livingdeb | Entries tagged with social science

Despite the title, Meik Wiking's Little Book of Hygge is really about three things: hygge, happiness, and Denmark. (Oh, I guess that shows up in the subtitle: Danish Secrets to Happy Living!)

Hygge (pronounced HOO-gah, like an old-timey car horn)

It's fun, if your language has a good word that's not perfectly translatable into another language, to write an entire book about what it means. Because although you can roughly translate hygge as coziness it really means a lot of things. For example:
* the art of creating intimacy
* coziness of the soul
* the absence of annoyance
* taking pleasure from the presence of soothing things
* cozy togetherness
* cocoa by candlelight
* hominess

The word comes from a Norwegian word meaning well-being, which might have come from the word for hug.

He made up a hygge manifesto to explain better. Hygge involves: 1) atmosphere, 2) presence (no phones), 3) pleasure (edible treats), 4) equality (we, not me; sharing tasks and conversation), 5) gratitude, 6) harmony (vs. competition and bragging), 7) comfort (relaxation), 8) truce (no drama), 9) togetherness, and 10) shelter (peace, security).

(I found a fun blog post on taking these principles to heart, Cup of Jo's I'm Swearing by the Hygge Manifesto. The comments are fun, too.)

And then, to make it even more clear, he goes into detail about what it means, how it's created, what it looks like, etc. So here are some elements of hygge:
* soft lighting - candles, fireplaces, campfires
* slow food - stews, jams, yeast breads
* hot drinks - coffee, hot chocolate, tea, mulled cider
* sweets - cake, Danishes [which are called Wienerbrød (literally Vienna bread) there] (Exception: cake man - make a human-shaped cake to resemble the birthday person, then cut off its head first while everyone screams in horror)
* clothing - casual, with a lot of black, scarves, and sweaters
* home - smooth and soft things like wood furniture, ceramics, fur, blankets, and cushions

Denmark

One reason hygge seems to mean so much more than just coziness is that it's actually a much more important concept in Denmark than in the US. Like, when I enjoy an activity, I might call it fun or interesting or just some general awesome. I would never call it cozy. When I'm looking for a restaurant, I care most about the food and prices, less about service and atmosphere, and when people talk about atmosphere, they mostly just say the restaurant has atmosphere or doesn't. Not whether the atmosphere is cozy, luxurious, elegant, or whatever.

In Denmark, they will deliberately plan events and go to places that are hyggelig (hygge-like). They regularly discuss how hygglig various situations are. And since the language is full of compound words, a bunch of them have "hygge" as part of the word.

And this is where things get a bit alien. So much so that he feels he has to give many examples of activities that are hygge, because they are generally not the kinds of activities we focus on in the US, especially grown-ups. Basically, they are small get-togethers where people socialize. I mean, I guess we try to do that in bars? Here are some of the activities:
* picnics
* movie nights (classics everyone's seen so you can chat)
* foreign country theme parties (movies, food, vocabulary post-it notes)
* weekends in a cabin (board games and grill)
* board game nights
* TV nights (watch a series with friends every week or 2 episodes every other week)
* croquet games
* little free libraries (especially in your apartment building)
* campfire cooking
* outdoor movies
* swap parties

Living in the present also means seasonal ideas:
* picking produce from farms, then coming home to can it
* ski trips (especially the part where you relax afterwards with friends)
* sledding (you can use a plastic bag if you don't have a sled)
* solstice picnics and elderflower cooking
* watching the Perseid meteor shower (and reading Greek mythology stories)
* foraging for mushrooms
* hunting and roasting chestnuts
* barbecues
* community gardening

My sister also points out that errand-hanging (taking a friend with you while you do errands--kind of like an urban form of barn-raising) is hyggelig.

Another idea is from the guy who wrote No Impact Man - he started having an open house once a week on the same weekday night where people could drop in and out whenever for home-cooked food (cabbage soup in the winter, because he was trying to buy only locally-produced food), play charades, and just hang out.

Two examples the author gives are sort of like potlucks, but instead of bringing things that are already cooked, you just bring the ingredients and everyone helps each other. I can't even imagine coordinating with several people cooking several dishes--each person in charge of a different one--in one kitchen.
* soup cook-off - Everyone brings ingredients for soup for one, you work together to make them, everyone tastes everything, and you also have bread.
* pantry party - Everyone brings ingredients for a jarred good such as jam, relish, or stock, you work together to make them, and each person leaves with 1 jar of each.

Here's the closest I've come to that:
* potlucks - You cook your own dish at home and bring it already prepared or mostly prepared.
* chili cook-offs, pie contests - This workplace activity let everyone taste all the chilis or pies but again involved making the food at home.
* cookie exchanges - This workplace activity let you sign up to make several dozen of one kind of cookie at home, then bring them to work and go home with multiple varieties. But the cooking was not together.
* My sister had a party where we made multiple flavors of hamentaschen (filled cookies). We all helped roll out the dough and form the cookies, and maybe some guests brought their own filling, but I think only one or two people made the dough(s) and my sister had to be in charge of most of it, so it still wasn't quite the same.

And both of those also involved a lot of people. The most hyggelig activities usually involve very small groups of people. So it's perfect for introverts!

I also learned that Danish workplaces have hygge with plants, couches, office gardens, pets, and potluck Fridays.

And I learned or was reminded about a few other things about Denmark: Apparently they are into bicycling like the Dutch. Hans Christian Anderson is from there, and so are Lego and Danish furniture design.

Happiness

The author is actually the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, so of course he wants to talk about happiness. Denmark regularly makes the top of various happiness lists, and he's biased to think that hygge is a big part of raising Denmark's happiness above that of other Nordic countries, though he admits that many things help with happiness.

He says everyday happiness has three dimensions: 1) life satisfaction (compared to the best and worst possible life you could lead, where do you stand?), 2) emotions (are they mostly positive or negative?), and 3) sense of purpose.

'Several factors influence why some people and countries are happier than others - genetics, our relationships, health, income, job, sense of purpose and freedom.' The welfare state 'reduces uncertainty, worries, and stress.' Specifically, he supports Denmark's 'Universal and free health care, free university education, and relatively generous unemployment benefits.'

'Furthermore there is a high level of trust in Denmark (notice all the strollers parked outside cafes when the parents are inside, drinking coffee). There is a high level of freedom (Danes report really high levels in terms of feeling in control over their lives), of wealth and good governance, and a well-functioning civil society,' just like other Nordic countries.

Social support is also important (do you have someone you can rely on in times of need?). A good work-life balance leaves you time for family and friends. The language and culture also support prioritizing time with family and friends. Also happiness and good relationships are a feedback loop--each helps the other.

Savoring and gratitude are important. Gratefulness improves happiness and also makes people 'more helpful and forgiving and less materialistic.' Even just writing in a gratitude journal once a week can increase alertness and enthusiasm, improve sleep and health, and help one be 'more mindful of situations where they could be helpful,' and more resilient (recover more quickly).

Hygge is all about savoring simple pleasures, planning for them, and later reminiscing about them. One study showed 'nostalgia produces positive feelings, reinforces old memories and sense of being loved, and boosts self-esteem.'

Take-Aways

What do you think? First, I think that in Austin in the summer, hygge is going to look a bit different than in Denmark in the dead of winter. You're going to want cold foods and drinks and ceiling fans (or other sources of breezes), though comfortable clothes are still good, and avoiding plastic/vinyl furniture is still good.

I do like the idea of hygge activities. Currently I have a weekly online craft night and an every-other-week VR golf game with friends that qualifies, though if they were in-person that would have an extra element of hygge. I also go to book clubs and a craft meeting at the library, but those are a bit large for ideal hyygelig. It's possible to do hygge alone, and I do plenty of that--reading books, doing projects, playing video games, eating comfort food.

One interesting thing I learned in tax prep class today (while awaiting late-comers) is that cranberry juice is a natural antidote to PCP, which was used as a date-rape drug in the 1970s. When you don't get retrograde amnesia, it's easier to testify. And that's how a weight-loss diet based on cranberry juice was the key to the first date-rape conviction.

Our instructor, who is also a forensic toxicologist, also warned us that, unlike on TV, crime lab staff are sometimes criminals themselves. So this is one reason that, if you do get pulled over for DWI, you should not agree to be tested. But if there's no getting around that, ask for the blood test instead of the breathalyzer test because then at least there is leftover blood that can be re-tested later by a third party. There is so much pressure to prosecute DWIs these days that the labs will sometimes lie. In one recent case, the person was driving crazy because she had escaped a rape after being fed a date-rape drug. She got a rape-kit test at a hospital, and even those results were lied about, though finally this all came out.

**

Quote of the Day - "Must play three hours of video games to cleanse myself." - me, after working on an application for a job helping students do things like apply for graduation.

Part of the application included some questions that I really didn't get:

How long have you worked with Macintosh computers? (More than 2 years / 1 to 2 years / Less than 1 year / No experience with Macs) - How hard is it to learn this? A typing test is already required.

Do you have knowledge of [employer] policies and procedures? (Yes / No) - How do I answer this? Of course I have some such knowledge. But I don't have much of the knowledge they want. And that stuff keeps changing anyway. And shouldn't they be training the person? Of course I said "Yes." I don't really get the point of this question, though.

Do you have experience working with college students in an academic setting? (Yes / No) - I consider classrooms and tutoring tables to be academic settings; that's not even what they want. This job is in a dean's office, admittedly on a college campus.

What kind of doof-balls have they hired in the past that make them want to ask these kinds of questions?

They do claim to prefer someone with a degree in the fine arts, so maybe they are confused about whether they want a left-brained or right-brained sort of person. So maybe that gets them into trouble?

I clearly think/work too hard on these things. But I don't know any other way to do them.

I went to Nerd Nite this month even though because it's February, the same month that has Valentine's Day in it, the theme is sex and dating. I went mainly because one of my friends was doing one of the presentations, but they all turned out to be fun. I don't know how people (especially nerds) get so confident on the stage, but just like last time I went, all three of the speakers were engaging.

“Steers and Queers: Sex Toy Laws in Texas,” by Julie Sunday

I don't care about sex toys myself, so I have not paid attention to laws about them. I figured the picture would be pretty grim. It turns out that it became much less grim in 2008.

Before 2008, it was illegal to sell or to promote (or give away) sex toys. However, it was not illegal to own them, so long as you had no more than five. (If you had more than five, you were obviously a distributor.)

What was considered a sex toy? Any device designed for the stimulation of human sexual organs. This means the electronic bull ejaculator was legal. It costs $1,500. Our speaker showed us a picture and said, "I don't even know what all those parts are." "Butt plugs" are also legal, since butts aren't sexual organs.

Even now, sex toys are sold as "novelties." That's because novelties are not regulated by organizations such as the Food and Drug Administration (which regulates other things that go in the body), the Consumer Product Safety Commission (which regulates children's toys and other products), or the Centers for Disease Control (which regulates other health related things).

Even now, phthalates, banned for use in children's toys, are still routinely used in sex toys (as well as shower curtains, raincoats and rubber boots). Toys made with phthalates, which help soften plastic, have a waxy look to them and a sweet vanilla sort of smell. Also, our speaker explained that they are "totally crappy and gross." They reduce sperm count in men and in future men (fetuses). The phthalates get absorbed through the skin, and the closer they are to the sex organs, the worse the problem is. Sex toys often get close to sex organs for some reasons. Our speaker recommended that if you have any toys made with this stuff, you should throw them away and get some better ones. She recommended hard toys, or, if you prefer soft ones, go for silicone.

She also mentioned that sex toys can be therapeutic for both sexes: orgasms relieve menstrual cramps and frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer.

Someone asked her if it was ever okay for a mother to give her daughter a sex toy, or is it only okay for the cool aunt to do. I liked her answer. She said just try not to train them that sex is dirty or disgusting, and they will find their own sex toys. There are plenty of ordinary children's toys that happen to vibrate, for example, such as a vibrating pen she used to have as a kid.

“The Mathematics of Dating,” By Sheena Madan

What's a good way to match people into stable couples? The stable marriage problem looks at the situation where you have the same number of heterosexual men and women, and each person can rank the members of the opposite gender.

The speaker described the stable marriage algorithm as being like the math of 1950's dating. First all the men go to the balconies of their number 1 pick and sing to them. Each woman with wooers chooses her favorite one. The next night, all the remaining men go to their number two pick, etc. In the end, all the people will be matched up and there will be no rogue couples. A rogue couple is made up of two people who both like each other better than the person they are with.

Then the speaker explained that she had done ten years of field research with this algorithm. First, in the description given above, are the marriages optimized for the men or the women? For the men--they get first pick. So the lessons from that are to a) hit on everyone, going down your list and b) have a thick skin (to handle any rejections).

The speaker's field research suggested that women should not use the "club and drag" technique. Instead, it's better to try flirting (she recommends the Social Issues Research Centre's Guide to Flirting).

Here's another lesson: don't settle. If you add to the stable marriage problem the idea that people can have standards, the result is that not all the people will be matched up. And this is a good thing. It's better to be single than to be in a bad marriage. So, you should be willing to reject, even if there's only one guy.

There are several problems with the model. One is that iterations can take a long time. One is that in real life there are influxes of new people. And one is that you can change your mind.

(To me, the biggest problem is that you don't have perfect information, and so you can't actually rank people properly.)

The speaker also recommends that if you find your soulmate through other means, ditch the algorithm and go with it.

There is a similar algorithm for many-to-one matches called the hospitals/resident algorithm.

An audience member suggested that a similar situation exists for employer/employee matches. (Interesting. That implies that jobs are optimized for the employee since we are the ones showing up at the employer balconies and they are stuck choose from us or going without.)

“An Introduction to Erotic Fan Fiction For Aspiring Writers,” by F*Bomb

Why write erotic fan fiction? Because it's easier than regular fiction. As with all fan fiction, you've already got characters and setting created for you. And with erotic fiction, you already know what the characters will be doing.

The speaker explained that the general rules of good writing apply. Show. Don't tell.

In addition, erotica is not porn. It's all about the crushes and the build-up. Tease and toy with your reader.

In addition, for fan fiction, do not introduce new characters. It's cheating. And for a TV show, especially, there are plenty of secondary characters to choose from if you need to.

Working with restrictions can help you be more creative.

The speaker was asked if there was a way to make money doing this. No. a) Fan fiction is based on shows that nerds like. In other words, shows that get canceled after two seasons. Shows that themselves don't make any money. b) Fan fiction tends to be pretty crappy.

Blog Entry of the Day - Setting the bar low: Suck less at What Now? This is about how sometimes setting the bar low can help you accomplish more than otherwise.

The beauty of this new mantra ["suck less"], I now realize, is that it makes my typical self-deprecation pointless. Today, for example, I was mostly a slug all morning and then took a nap in the afternoon, accomplishing essentially nothing for hours at a time. And under normal circumstances, this would send me into a spiral of shame about how good for nothing I am. But instead, when I woke up from my nap, I thought, "Well, I've sucked thus far today; now it's time to suck less." And I did. Was I amazingly productive afterward? Well, no. But did I suck less? Darn tootin'! And I'm much more cheerful for it.

Tropenmuseum

This morning we started out for a local market, but first we noticed the Tropenmuseum, which I'd read that you might be tempted to skip, but you shouldn't.

So we decided to check it out. It turned out to be a culture museum, but it didn't have just artifacts, it also had videos.

However, much of the museum was putting cultural traits in the context of environmental traits, so it was generally quite depressing. For example, in Suriname, people in the south used to farm and those in the north herded animals because it was drier in the north. Then in the dry season, the herders would come south and their animals would eat the farm stubble and fertilize the crops. Now the southerners want to raise their own animals and no longer welcome the herders, and the northerners want to grow their own crops, too, which doesn't work well because of the dryness.

Robin enjoyed seeing jeepneys which are old jeeps which have been converted for use as public transportation, especially in the Philippines. In our country, they might be called art cars. Robin says one of these played a key role in the book Cryptonomicon. We got to see a real one which they let us actually climb into. And we got to see them in action in videos. The decorations are amazing.

Robin also quite liked a car form covered in knitting to look like a red Ferrari Testarossa. (Robin tells me that Testarossa means "redhead" in Italian and the engine heads are painted in a red crackle finish in Testarossas because they just couldn't resist the pun.)

I learned you can make a dome just by making each circular brick layer out of fewer and fewer bricks. This way you can have rooms wider than the longest available tree trunks.

There was an interesting quote about Mexico City I didn't think to write down about how the city was killing everything around it in a horrible tragedy, but those who loved the city just couldn't resist her.

Some of the displays came together to cause me to ask myself: If I left my native culture (of the United States), what would I try to bring with me? Which artifacts? Which cultural norms and practices? I sure love not having to be religious. And I like being considered a real human being even though I'm female (and whatever else). I love ibuprofen, but it would eventually run out.

Dapperstraat Market

As we left, we saw this bike with plenty of carrying capacity.

We did find the market and also three grocery stores, none of which apparently struck me as photogenic. Then we were off to find the Houseboat Museum.

Hausbootmuseum

On the way, I decided to capture the inside of a tram.

Note the single seats on one side, double seats on the other. The accordion-looking part is flexible for when the track turns, but people also leaned against it. The next stop was announced both visually, as shown (actually, this is showing the time and that we are on the #10 line), and verbally, often in both Dutch and Liam-Neesen-accented English.

We did find the museum.

The brochure explains that this is a former commercial sailing ship built in 1914. Here is the entrance.

"The deckhouse, where the skipper's family resided, including the cupboard bed, is still in place."

This is the bigger bed of the two, if you can believe it (the other is across the way on the left). It's both longer and wider. Apparently the taller spouse sleeps on the doorway side.

"The former cargo hold has now been converted into a comfortable living space."

This actually does look quite livable to me. Here's the other side of that room.

This was described as the kitchen.

Here's a passageway with the level of the water outside illustrated inside. So technically the windows don't have to be so high in order not to be underwater or anything.

They also had a slide show with pictures of all kinds of houseboats that was fun. And we got to learn a bit more about the houseboat lifestyle.

Many, but not all, houseboats have been converted from regular boats. This sort of house must, by law, be brought into the shipyard for maintenance every four years. The required maintenance takes about a week to perform, during which time you may continue living in your house, though I assume your commute to work could change quite a bit.

Another kind of "houseboat" is made form concrete which, since it does not rust, is not required to be taken for maintenance. It tends to be more block shaped. Neither kind of houseboat is likely to have a motor and thus must be towed in order to be moved.

Next stop: red light district.

Pannenkoeken

But first, here's another typical Amsterdam view, with one wonky building.

Canal view at night.

Here's another nice bike.

Note the rack in front and the seat in back.

On the way, we found a place with pannenkoeken, which I'd wanted to try. These are Dutch pancakes. I'd heard they are thinner than what I'm used to, but thicker than crepes, and they are served mostly in savory flavors. I ordered one with cheese.

It was the size of a plate, perfectly cooked on one side, then broiled to finish off the other side and to make the cheese a golden brown. (In real life, they are not nuclear yellow--this is just what my camera does in poor lighting.)

It was moist and soft--only the cheese was crispy. It was very tasty, but the pancake part was faintly sweet, so I think I would have preferred a sweet flavor.

This restaurant also sold apple pie. Real Dutch apple pie looks different from how I make mine. The crust looks more like biscuits or cake and it's much taller. I never did taste any. (By this time, I was mostly craving savory things. The Dutch are really, really great at making sweet things that appeal to me, but not so much savory).

Red Light District

As we neared the red light district, the streets became crowded with pedestrians and were full of bars and delicious-looking restaurants and plenty of bright lights. The district itself was also crowded and well-lit, and thin ladies who wore bikini-type outfits and posed, wiggled, smiled (even to me), and motioned people in.

Our guide for the bicycle tour told us that in each room there are at least three buttons that the ladies can hit to get help so that no matter what someone does to them, there should always be one within reach. Some of them are hidden. And police arrive quickly, like one minute.

Adjacent to this district is, apparently, Chinatown. At least there are all kinds of Asian restaurants and markets.

We also saw this narrow church.

And here's a terrible picture, but it shows the hooks at the tops of the buildings.

In real life, these buildings seemed to lean in over us in a threatening way.

We popped out of this area of narrow streets at a building that looks like a castle.

It turns out to be a fancy restaurant...

...built in 1617.

The nearest tram stop was at Central Station, so we bought our tram tickets for the next day.

Going Home

We took a tram and train back to the airport after all, just as we had come, no longer afraid. The train was quite crowded--we were perched near the stairwell.

I couldn't resist getting a snack I found in a snack machine at the train station for a friend. Robin said, "Travis has dreamed all of his life of these gummy apeheads." They turned out to be licorice and banana flavored.

I had decided to exchange any remaining euros for Leonidas chocolates and did in fact have some money left with which to do so.

Due to the actions of a friend of Robin's, we got some fancier seating on the flight from London to Chicago. I liked that you could lean your seat back without affecting the person behind you. And all of a sudden, unlike in coach, they understand that people like to drink a lot of water. Being stuck between two strangers, I tried to time my bathroom trips while one of them was up. But people really set up camp in this section more than in the sardine section, so it's not that easy to get out.

I remember feeling like an impostor. Not even just as a prole riding with royalty, but also like a little kid trying to act grown up. (Only I have a much better disguise for the latter now than in the olden days. Surely.) No jumping up and down on the seat. And oh, yes, I know just what this hot wet washcloth is for.

We got back a little early(!?) and so it was no problem for me to go to work the next day.

While doing my final research for this entry, I found the ingredient list of some hummus that I really liked (except for the salsa on top) from one of the stores. I had no idea what most of it meant, but figured the internet would be my friend (when I got home and it was fast and reliable again).

* gekooktekikkerwten (42%) - cooked chickpeas
* zuurteregelarr (E-500) - apparently sodium carbonate, a base used as an acid regulator and/or anti-caking agent; zuur is acid and E-500 is, specifically, sodium carbonate.
* plantaardige oile - plant oil
* water - water
* sesamzaad-pasta (sesamzaad, zout) - sesame seed paste (sesame seed, salt) (aka tahini)
* tomaten concentraat - tomato puree
* wortelen, - carrots
* zout - salt
* specerijen - spices
* voedingszuur - food acid (?)
* citroenzuur - citric acid
* peterselie - parsley
* gedroogde chilipepper (0.2%) - dried chili pepper (0.2%)
* geconcentreerd citroensap - concentrated lemon juice
* gedroogde koriander - dried coriander

Well, I'm hardly cooking up something with a food additive as the #2 ingredient. I hope that's not what made this magical. I think I already knew to use tahini and lemon juice. Oh, well.

Overall a good trip, but I felt quite touristy in a bad way. Not as good as visiting friends who have a bit of a clue about what's cool and how things work. I may want to look into visiting my next foreign country a different way. Looneymarble has made it clear to me that a group tour is not necessarily the way to go, either, though some groups may attract more fun people than others (would tours for college alumni be better if you liked your college?).

I miss those bike lanes. I don't miss the cold (actually, I've been experiencing the same cold, but with no snow, all week). I liked the trams but they were expensive. I miss the sweets but not the savories. I don't miss spending so many euros.

So, I leave you with this typical tourist shot.

"Hey, do you want to see a short movie?"

"How short? It's 10:30 already."

"Eighty minutes."

"Hmm, that should be okay. Surely we could make ourselves go directly to bed afterwards, right?"

Ha!

Not when the movie is "Idiocracy," a sci-fi movie by the guy who did "Office Space." Like "Office Space," it's a little too close to reality to be comfortable. On the other hand, I did an excellent job of refraining from analyzing whether various aspects of the theorized future would go together (except in one case) and let myself just laugh at things.

Like many sci-fi stories, this one is an answer to a what-if question. Really, a whole bunch of answers. There were so many interesting things to notice, we couldn't help talking about them for a while last night. During which time we were not sleeping.

So I'm going to bed now. Goodnight.

There are some people who are actually afraid of vaccines because they think they are too risky. I just assume that these people have no experience with the diseases that these vaccines are preventing because really, getting vaccines is basically a no-brainer if there's any way you can afford it.

Fortunately, when most people are vaccinated for a disease, this provides some protection to others as well, just because there are that many fewer folks around who they could catch it from.

So I was asking a co-worker if she was going off to get her flu shot and she said no because the vaccines are preserved with mercury. I said no way. Even if they used to be, surely not anymore. She told a long story that sounded convincing, but then I have caught her spreading an urban myth before, so I did some research. I really don't want to be falling for this kind of crap.

But it turns out to be true. The compound they use now is less toxic than the other one they used to use. It's a tiny amount, the amount you would get from a half a can of white tuna. It causes allergic-type reactions at the vaccination site for some people. It may or may not contribute to the build up of mercury in the system enough to increase one's risk for scary neurological disorders. It's no longer used for any vaccinations except for the influenza ones, and there are even some no-mercury-added vaccines available (though not at my workplace, I assume). The government has recommended but not required that a different preservative be used.

I don't want to support any company that won't make the switch.

Normally I'm on the fence about getting the vaccine anyway. Basically, catching the flu would be easier on me than on most people. I am young and healthy, have a lot of sick leave, and have the kind of job where they can spare me for a week if necessary. I have a warm bed, working refrigerator, etc. So normally I only get the vaccine in years when there is enough available for everyone who wants it. This year is one of those years. But I've decided to blow it off this year.

The worst thing is that this is fuel for those anti-immunization people.

I'm not usually a fan of gender studies because I don't generally find the genders to be all that different. However, the "bag lady" study is pretty interesting to me.

This is a study of how attitudes about finances differ between men and women. The result that's grabbing the most attention is that almost half of all women fear losing everything and becoming bag ladies.

I'd actually heard this before, so it didn't surprise me. When I first heard it, I actually was one of those people, but I'm not anymore. I still believe that I could become a bag lady. (The Great Depression wiped out most stocks, increased the unemployment rate, and when people couldn't pay their mortgage, or even just their property taxes when the mortgage was paid off, their houses got repossessed.) But I don't fear it. I now feel that it is extremely unlikely--usually everything doesn't go wrong at once for everyone. I feel it is unlikely that I will lose my job and my house and my stocks, even though I feel that an attack on my city (while I'm out of town, say) could accomplish this.

I'm used to finance studies saying that women are still making $0.60 or $0.70 on the dollar compared to men, but that wasn't mentioned at all in the news release for this study. Instead they are saying things like women's real median income has increased over 60% over the past thirty years, while men's real median income has remained about the same. And it is expected that by 2010, women will control 60% of wealth in the United States. I've never heard anything like this except that women are more likely to go to college than men nowadays.

Here's my favorite quote from the news release: "Women are more likely to attribute arguments about money to issues of power and control, while men are more likely to attribute it to trust." To me that says men want to be in charge of the finances and women want to share control. So women feel that men are hogging the power, and men feel that if women just trusted them, this wouldn't be an issue.

The most surprising thing to me is how much more women worry about financial security than men do, and what kinds of things happen as a result. Imagine one partner having a tra-la-la, we'll figure things out as we go along, winging it sort of personality, and the other partner having a be prepared sort of personality. The first one is more likely to be comfortable living from paycheck to paycheck. If anything goes wrong, they can just charge up credit cards, sleep on friends' couches, get a part-time job, start eating cheap food at home, stuff like that. They might be very generous when they are in the money, and so it's easy to collect favors when things go the other way.

The second one is going to want to put all their extra money into lots of insurance, retirement accounts, buying a house and paying it off as quickly as possible, etc.

The first is all about living it up while you can and the second is about never having to be a bag lady. Even in the olden days when only husbands worked outside the home and wives got a small allowance for groceries and personal spending, wives were often inclined to economize as much as possible so they would have some money leftover to put into savings. And they would often not tell their husbands about this savings because they felt that the husband would see the large chunk of money as a new boat or something, when it had been saved for something more like unemployment insurance. I've even heard of people lying about how much things cost so they can get a bigger allowance so they can save more.

And in the olden days when men were the only breadwinners, in situations where they could not find a job for a long time, it was not uncommon to run away in shame or commit suicide because they could not properly provide for their family. Isn't that just horribly sad? It still happens in some families living that traditional lifestyle. So even they have a stake in financial security.

I wonder why there's such a big gender difference. Is it because of a perception that women don't have as many options as men? Is it because of who makes the babies? Who lives the longest? Who typically makes less in the workplace?

What's really creepy to me is that I fit so many of the descriptions of women in this study. I'm highly educated, making more money than in the past, concerned about financial security over having toys, and I really did fear becoming a bag lady.

The main difference between me and females as described in this study is that I wouldn't trust a professional financial adviser as far as I could throw this person and have educated myself about financial matters. "Women view themselves as carrying more responsibilities and are therefore burdened with more worries; men see themselves as more analytical and more open to taking risks." I actually see myself as extremely analytical, and this is what keeps me from some displaying other stereotypically female behavior.

For example, I am not paying my house off early because I know I'm likely to increase my net worth more by investing that money elsewhere.

Also, I have most of my investments in stocks, even though these are considered high-risk, because over the long term I consider them to be low-risk (more likely to keep up with inflation than "safe" investments). Plus, my pension plan and job are with the government, so those are relatively "safe" the way government bonds are--so putting my other money in stocks is also a way to diversify.

And unlike the stereotypical woman, I do not think I am at risk for overpaying for insurance. I don't pay for credit card or other small-time insurance--if I'm in trouble I can use my savings to continue paying off credit cards if I have a balance, which I generally don't. If I needed life insurance, I would get only term insurance and only for an amount that would let my dependents get by reasonably. This is because the money saved by using these cheaper options can be better used in other ways and because I expect to live a long time. I also get the biggest deductible on insurance possible, both because I can bank the savings to use when necessary and because you should never make small claims anyway because your rates will go up and you will look bad. (Okay, I had to learn this last one the hard way. I admit it.)

One problem for people who want security is that no matter how much you prepare, something bad can still happen. This means it's possible to focus too much of your life on security issues. At a certain point, it's good to stand back and tell yourself that you have done enough. And maybe learn some of those winging skills as well.

Tomorrow I will write about strategies for gaining security.

Today I ran across an interesting old blog entry called Got them No Wedding Planned blues... by Pineapple. In short, after reading Cinderella Dreams: the Allure of the Lavish Wedding, she says "my wedding is in 5 months but this damned book has upended my entire perspective and now I have wedding-planning-block and cannot make any decisions."

And how many of us could consciously say, "Yes, the trend in today's culture is to have the most stylishly unique wedding, because it has become a catty game of oneupsmanship, wrapped in a raw desire to climb the social ladder, and therefore if I am to impress my guests with my savvy and my worthiness, they must be delighted with surprise at the execution of the never-before-seen centerpiece idea that I have been guarding as viciously as a mother wolf with newborn cubs"?

I would venture to say "none." Because I know that I was reading this book (and there are dozens more moments like this in it), and pausing to realize that, yes, if I look inside, that's the whole point. It's been the point all along, and not just for me but for everyone I know, even if they aren't aware or can't admit it. The conspicuous consumption is now part and parcel of weddings today, and its mandated execution in the form of "unique elegance" is just another aspect of proving ourselves better than you. And this fixation on "unique elegance" does not rear its desperate head in funerals, first communions and other rites of passage. ...

The devil of Martha Stewart sits on one shoulder, seducing me with whispers about basil-tomato tarts and hydrangeas in silver bowls. The angel of Susan Faludi sits on the other, warning me about the crisis of conscience I will experience when I sign on the dotted line for a 5-digit menu, and the dilettante of feminism and liberalism that I will officially become the second that I purchase a hand-embellished gown that I will only wear once in my life.

And so I am frozen. Time is ticking away, and I do not have a wedding planned, and I no longer have a mechanism for planning it either. The filter has been put in place, and everything I want to plan is now tinged with resentment.

That is one powerful book. (I vaguely recall that she did end up married somehow, so I guess she figured out a way to work herself through this problem.)

Note: as far as I know, I am not about to get married, but I think I might get married one day, and so I do think about these issues. Like most issues, it's nice to get some of the thinking out of the way before everything becomes suddenly urgent. So, anyway,

I don't think I have (much of) a one-upsmanship mentality. But I still have too much of that "you're supposed to" thinking in my head. And this is even after I had my epiphany about weddings.

See, I was reading through Wedding Planning for Dummies or something (it was in the section of the library with new acquisitions), and each chapter would address some expected topic like invitations, but the more I read of a chapter, the more I got freaked out. Like in the catering chapter they tell you a little about catering. And they tell you how much things cost. And they tell you what kinds of things you have to specify in the contract so you don't get unpleasant surprises. And you get this picture in your head of a caterer charging $25 per person (not counting the cake) and then showing up late, having only tiny plates available, running out of or ruining your favorite dish, and then eating all the leftovers themselves. And it's all because it's your once-in-a-lifetime event and you've never used a caterer before and you'll never use one again, so they can do whatever they want.

And I realized I should instead use a caterer that I know all about, by which I mean pizza delivery guys. Duh! It would be polite to call ahead, and maybe plan for a time when they're not too busy (like not during the Superbowl or a weekday lunch rush) rather than just calling right before the ceremony, but still. That would be good, right?

So today I did a little more thinking about what I would want from a wedding. I want to marry the right guy, of course. And I want to turn him into family in front of witnesses, and also invite my mom who really wants to come. I think that marriages are just for the couple, but weddings should also be for their other significant others. Also, it's a good excuse to get people to visit who ordinarily wouldn't.

So people will be coming from far away and I don't want to just shake their hands and say I'm so glad they came and then never see them again because I am running around freaking out, doing last-minute preparations, getting pictures taken, talking to a million other guests, and being too stressed to eat that $25/plate food.

I already decided that there shouldn't be a "head" table for the couple and their attendants. Instead, I'd like an empty place at every table, and the bride and groom can sit at each table for a little while. And it can't be too big, maybe fifty people, which is already a lot of people to try to see in one day.

I also decided I want there to be enough room for everyone to sit at a table and for everyone to dance. I want big, comfy chairs for old or tired people.

But today I also decided there has to be room for everyone inside. I am willing to pay a little too much for heating and air conditioning so I don't have to worry about the weather.

I already decided that there should be milk to go with the cake. And plenty of food and plenty of napkins and reasonably sized plates and cups.

But I can't imagine food not requiring last-minute preparation, so today I decided I do want caterers. It could be two caterers like an Indian food one at one long table and a barbecue one at the other. I don't even care about having a cake. I just want plenty of choices of yummy food.

But besides a good spouse, heating or air conditioning, and plenty of good food (maybe a brunch buffet in the early afternoon and pizza delivery in the late afternoon), there's not much else I care about. I do want a ridiculously fancy and whooshy dress. But I don't care about centerpieces or flowers or live bands. I want activities. Like origami. Board games. Volleyball. Bubbles. Dancing, of course. I don't know. I want time to sit around talking to people and catching up with them.

I guess I'd just want a short ceremony followed by a long party. I should practice throwing parties more. Maybe not for fifty people though.

Note: Of course I do realize that the groom and the relatives and the good friends might also have opinions, but this blog isn't about that.

We went to Kim Phung for early lunch today. When Robin was looking online to confirm that they were open today, he said he found two kinds of reviews. One kind said that the place is fabulous in every way, and if you've been turned off before by the two-hour waits at lunchtime, it's safe to return because the waits aren't that long anymore.

The other kind of reviews said that they don't know what all the hoopla is about. They've been to Vietnam and it's very easy to find food there that's better than at Kim Phung. You have to use all the condiments on the table just to give some flavor to the food.

Today we noticed that the other three tables there were full of people who did not look Vietnamese. I decided that more authentic Vietnamese restaurants may have opened recently, so all the Vietnamese people are eating at those places instead of Kim Phung, which is why the waits are no longer so long (during weekday lunches, I assume). But meanwhile, the food is still cheap, voluminous, and delicious to the American palate.

**

And now you can see why I think I should be a theorist of some kind: because I can take opposite-sounding evidence and come up with some theory about how it is all true.

I only recall creating one theory, however. And sadly, that theory was created for evil, not good. I co-authored the Bat Theory of Adolescent Personality with a classmate in college. We were making fun of how horrible our textbook on personality was and, by extension, the entire field of personality psychology. Blowing a lot of steam.

See, each chapter of our book was about a different guy's theory. Each chapter started with a picture of the guy and a short biography. (Excuse me, am I taking a history class? Yes. Because we don't actually know any psychology yet, so we have to pad the book with other things. Like history.)

Then there would be a description of the guy's theory including a lot of the new terms he made up, each carefully italicized and defined. Then there would be a section on what this theory had to do with personality (usually not much). Then there was a section about how the theory said you should try to fix people with mental problems. As if there are only two personalities in the world: adaptive and sick.

And finally there was my favorite section of the chapter. This is the section where they evaluate the theory as a theory. They tell you that good theories have several characteristics such as being testable, being both simple enough and complex enough to be useful, etc. And each and every chapter (I think) ended with a section explaining that the theory sucked. (Many of them were not even testable. No big names. Just, you know, Freud. And Jung. Grr.)

So my classmate and I thought that we could also create a theory that sucked. At least ours was testable, though. And we had plenty of terms. My favorite was batpole-ism, the tendency of teenagers to change clothes often. Batpole-ism is necessary for good development because teenagers need to try on different roles to help them into becoming healthy adults.

We turned in our theory, written up as a chapter in the book, along with our final. At the time, I didn't realize this was completely idiotic. In fact, our instructor had never even displayed a sense of humor in class. Some joked at the irony of someone with no personality teaching the class on personality. (I think she may have had a sense of humor and personality, but kept those deep under the surface so that she wouldn't be seen as unprofessional, because she was a female in a mostly male work environment. I have no evidence whatsoever for this other than that she looked and sounded female. But theorists don't need evidence--that's for researchers to provide.)

Fortunately, nothing bad happened to us. We never heard a thing one way or the other about our "theory," and our grades were not damaged. I have no idea what her response was.

Fortunately, there is an antidote to the frozen-fear reaction or at least the standing-around-not-knowing-what-to-do reaction, and that antidote is pre-emergency brainwashing. If I just have some response drilled deeply enough into my head, it can come to me in an emergency. I think I might do the right thing in several types of emergency.

Catching on fire - I'm pretty sure I would drop to the ground and roll, and I'm pretty sure I would do this in any environment such as indoors or on a lawn of very dry grass. (I don't think I would wander around calculating which floor surface is most impervious to flame.)

Bleeding - I know to apply pressure to the wound and, if possible, elevate it above the heart.

Possible broken bones - I know not to move a person like this unless there is danger of explosion or poisoning or something.

Person faints - I've taken enough CPR classes that I might know to check for pulse and breathing, to call 911, and to start CPR.

Driving emergency - the rest of that simulation exercise in driver's ed got us to practice three possible responses to driving emergencies: 1) slamming on the brakes, 2) slamming on the brakes while veering to the left, and 3) slamming on the brakes while veering to the right. As a result, last time I was in a driving emergency, I first slammed on the brakes, and then remembered that I could also steer away from the problem. I hope it would occur to me that the gas pedal could also be a handy tool, but I don't feel very confident that it would.

Robin says that the laws of physics dictate that you only get a certain amount of control over your car, so you should only pick one strategy--you shouldn't try to brake and change direction at the same time. I don't think I could just steer my way out of a situation that felt like an emergency without also using the brakes if slowing down might also help. Robin recommends video games with driving for training yourself about the options.

Tree falling in my direction - When this happened to raaga123, she had actually thought about it ahead of time, so she did not run away from the tree, as people tend to want to do, but ran at a 90-degree angle from that direction. (A branch might still get you, but if you have any time at all, you should get to where the branches are much thinner and lighter than, say, the trunk of the tree.) And this strategy would work especially well for falling telephone poles which don't have branches.

Person drowning - I feel quite sure I would look for something to throw to them or to reach to them rather than jump in after them.

Hair standing out on end (even more than usual) - I like to think that I would realize that this means that lightning is about to strike somewhere very close and so I should flatten myself against the ground to become less enticing to runaway electrons, and also yell this strategy to anyone nearby.

Fire in building - I already know that I can remember not to grab the doorknob of a door to a room suspected to contain a fire. Touch the door with your hand, and if it's cold, touch the handle with the back of your hand, and if it's cold, then slowly try opening the door. I deliberately put my fire extinguisher next to the back door so that if I'm using it then I am between the fire and the door. I like to think that I know that if it's smoky I should move by crawling because the better air is likely to be closer to the floor. And I like to think that if I am on an upper floor, I will not jump out a window. You can close doors, stuff things in cracks under doors, get fabric wet and cover yourself with that, call 911, and of course open the window and start yelling. But I've heard you almost can't help jumping out of windows because fire is so terrifying.

Car underwater - I'm pretty sure that if my car goes into a lake, and I can't get the door or window open to get out, that I will remember that it will be much easier once the pressure equalizes and meanwhile calmly keep my nose in the ever-shrinking air pocket at the ceiling, and then if I still can't open a door or window, try to kick out the back windshield, which is supposedly the easiest window to break.

Throwing up - What? When this happens to me, I get a warning of somewhere between zero and two seconds. I have learned that I cannot make it to a bathroom and that running to one will just make things harder to clean up later. I like to think that I will pull out my shirt to make a receptacle, which I can then empty and then clean in the bathroom, or that I will at least aim toward tile or wood and away from carpeting if possible. Fortunately, I almost never throw up.

Heart attack - If I thought I were having a heart attack, I think I would call 911 and then take an aspirin. Although since the only symptoms I remember are pain or "tightening" (whatever that is--maybe I'd know it if I felt it) in the chest or perhaps any strange feeling on the left side of the body, this reaction might not do me much good. There are lots of symptoms, and women are less likely to suffer the "classic" symptoms, so I'm just as likely to not even notice I'm having a heart attack as to have an appropriate response.

Someone begs me for money - Say no. I do my contributing on my own terms.

(Poisonous) snake sighting - Freeze, then back away slowly. They are afraid of you and would much rather give you a warning and have you leave than have to bite you.

Earthquake - Get under a door jamb or heavy table or desk.

Tornado/hurricane - Close all windows if there's time; get into an interior hallway or closet or other place with no windows.

Water in intersection - Don't drive through the intersection. Pull over and wait for the water to subside. (This happened to me once when I was driving. I was fortunate enough to find a parking lot and to get to watch little kids playing near the water's edge as trucks made waves as they drove through the intersection. Fortunately I was on my way home from work and did not feel rushed.)

Are you properly brainwashed for any emergencies, and if so what is the emergency, and what are you supposed to do?

Of course, not all emergencies fall neatly into a category, and in those cases, you'll see me standing around trying to get my tiny brain to think of something and hoping someone else will know what to do.

And of course there are plenty of cut-and-dried emergencies for which I have not been properly brainwashed.

A stick-up - Do whatever they say, right? Unless it's like a hijacking of a plane in order to fly it into a building or something. And try to remember details without freaking them out about how observant you are so you can report these details to the police. Details like license plates numbers and their appearance and anything they touched that might have fingerprints.

Warning to lurkers who don't know me but can calculate where to find me: don't try to stick me up, because I live in Texas where we have laws allowing us to carry concealed weapons with a license.

A growling dog - Act unafraid, right? Maybe look away, so it doesn't feel threatened? And don't run. A character in a book distracted one by throwing a ball at a 90-degree angle, and then the dog ran after the ball. Does that work in real life?

A growling bear - I think this is another one of those where you don't run. I'd have to review that before hanging out in the kind of place that has bears.

Yesterday evening, three of us went on a walk. Not long into the walk, we witnessed a car crash.

I'm not sure who's at fault from a legal or insurance perspective. I suppose it was the driver who, without signalling, turned left in front of incoming traffic, then saw the car coming and put on her brakes so that she came to a halt while still in the other person's lane. She could have prevented the accident by watching for and then waiting for oncoming traffic, and she could still have avoided it by applying the accelerator more strongly once she noticed the approaching car.

On the other hand, I feel sure that the other driver could have avoided the collision by using her brakes, and Robin feels she could have avoided the collision by swerving to the left a little; there was no car coming the other way in the lane to her left.

We walked over to the accident in case anyone was hurt or the police needed witnesses. No one needed our help. We did learn than if you are in a collision that releases your airbag into your face, and then you can't feel the bottom half of your face, but your friends assure you that it still looks like a regular face (not smashed or bleeding or anything), then you're probably okay. It really stings because you'll have abrasions, and there will be baking soda from the airbag embedded into your abrasions, so once you rinse off your face with plain water, you should feel much better.

So this leads me to the topic of panic. The first driver panicked by slamming on her brakes. This did not work for her. The second driver panicked by freezing. This did not work for her.

I once decided that there are three ways that people typically react in an emergency. One is to take in the situation and take action, making things better. One is to overreact, generally making things worse. And the third is to do nothing.

I am the third kind. Here is why I think that.

1) In driver's ed, we had a simulation section where we got into pretend cars in front of a movie screen and pretended we were steering properly, signalling, braking, etc., along with the film. On the last day was the unit with emergencies, but they didn't warn us. They just said get in your car, as usual. Then the truck in front of us came to a sudden unexpected stop. If I had really been driving, I would have just sat there, slamming into the back of the truck. Not good.

2) Also when I was a teenager, there was a small fire in my brother's bedroom. My response was to wander around the house looking for blankets that we wouldn't mind ruining by throwing them over the fire. Then I saw my dad bringing a pot of water from the kitchen. Duh! Water puts out fires. We made several trips from the kitchen before remembering that right across the hall was a bathroom from which we could get water much more quickly.

3) Again as a kid, once when I was camping and it was raining really hard, I really had no idea what we should be doing. Finally we all ended up taking our tents down and getting driven to a church while much of the area was getting flooded. We heard a rumor that a baseball game at the Astrodome got cancelled because of flooding that next day.

While I wish I was a can-do person during emergencies, I'm just not. At least I am suggestible, so as long as someone knows what they're doing, I can be helpful.

Do you know how you respond in emergencies, and if so, how do you know this?

Today I brought Robin to see "Fall to Grace." He also liked it. I forgot how many sad parts there are, but also how many funny parts there are. I forgot how wacky the Mexican stand-off scene got:

"What are you doing here?"

"I stopped for milk. On the way to kill you."

"You stopped for milk?"

And of course, the placement of the guns, always interesting in this sort of scene.

I didn't see anyone else I knew at the theatre. Just because they're all out of town, or just went to see a movie yesterday... Austinites, next weekend it's playing again!

**

Later at home we watched "Walk the Line" on DVD. It makes me want to learn more about June Carter Cash. Her character is one of the few I've seen in a movie or TV show who could refrain from kissing someone who tried to kiss her, just because it was wrong. And she kept saying no, just as she should have, for a very long time. From the movie, I would never have guessed that it would have been a good idea for her to marry Johnny Cash. He seemed like nothing but trouble, but apparently he straightened himself up for her and/or she helped him straighten himself up directly.

Her first divorce was described as messy. I want to know what happened. In the movie, a fan of her family's said that getting a divorce was an abomination and she was going to hell. June replied that she was sorry to disappoint the woman. What amazing tact!

The internet shows me that she wrote an autobiography and a memoir, so I'll start there. She also did comedy, so her books may be funny as well as informative. I'll be checking out the newly remodeled Fine Arts library at the university.

By the way, Reese Witherspoon can sing. I really like her singing. Joaquin Phoenix does a creditable job with his role, too.

A movie I saw at the 2005 SXSW film festival is finally being released (sort of). This was my favorite movie of the festival; I actually saw it twice. After that I read mixed reviews. So I decided I may have just liked it because it has social science themes.

"Fall to Grace" is the Chronicle's pick of the week this week; they give the movie 3.5 stars (out of 5). And they liked the acting and the cinematography. (I liked the characters.)

It's about three teenagers and their families living in parts of Austin I don't recognize. It's one of those movies like "Crash" where you can see the effects that cultural situations have on people. There are hopeful people, hopeless people, tough situations, and one scene where an ex-clown's fast reflexes and fast thinking make you want to get up and cheer. What's fascinating is that so many characters can easily go either way--down the path of good or of bad. Which will happen?

The Chronicle likes the druggie teenager best, but I like the dad of the boy who has a crush on her best. He is a complex character who shows the most clearly how easy it is to go the way you don't really want to go. You really like him sometimes, and sometimes you really don't.

The Chronicle starts off the review with the sentence, "You may need a flow chart to keep track of all the various characters and their twining relationships...," but that's not true at all. All you have to remember is that it's about three teenagers and their families and friends. Just pay attention to the three teenagers, and it all makes sense. And you can trust me about this because I'm always getting lost when there are too many characters.

Fall to Grace is scheduled for one-week engagements at the following Landmark Theatres:

Dobie Theatre - Austin (June 16 - 22)
Varsity Theatre - Seattle (June 23 - 29)
Lagoon Cinema - Minneapolis (July 7 - 13)
Chez Artist - Denver (July 7 - 13)
Midtown Art Cinema - Atlanta (July 7 - 13)

If you're in Austin, meet us at the Dobie tomorrow (Sunday) for the 1:30 showing! Otherwise, well, it's coming to Tam and Mosch, too.

P.S. I discovered no new broken things at work Thursday or Friday! Woo hoo!

Today I had a "feel good sandwich" for lunch today. These were being offered, for a donation, by a student group collecting money that goes toward getting poor people fed by teaching them sustainable farming methods (I think). I forget which charity it is.

They always have a selection of breads and fillings for these grilled cheese sandwiches. Usually there is a whole-grain bread available (with large slices). Then you get a choice of cheeses (American, pepper jack or swiss). And you can also have a tomato slice, tomato sauce, or ranch dressing (or any combination). I get the tomato and tomato sauce for added nutrition even though I never use these when I grill my own cheese sandwiches. It's still pretty good. Then they put it in one of those sandwich grills, without buttering the sides. They leave it there until it's all crispy and melted, even if several people are waiting in line. So it's fairly healthy and also delicious.

In the past I had trouble figuring out how much to donate. If I donate too much, I'll hardly ever go there. But if I don't donate enough, they might not cover their costs. It should at least be twice what they're paying for supplies (I heard this equation for what to charge in retail). I learned that Whole Foods donates all the food, so they have no costs. (So I need to pay at least $0 X 2; not helpful). This time, they actually listed a suggested donation of $2 to $3.

**

During the same lunch, I was reading a scene in City of Diamond where a man is returning to a brothel where he is always given the same woman. This time they said he came just in time; she was about to leave. Which he thought was odd, because in this world, women who work in brothels are tattooed as such and are not allowed to ever get married or get any other kind of work, so when they get too old, they end up in the "recycler." The man is also a character with problems, a "demon" who most people are afraid to associate with. He learned that ever since his first visit, no one else has conducted business with this now tainted woman; this man was her only customer, and he hadn't been there in a while, so she was just about to be let go.

The man says, "Nobody told me this was a death sentence when I first came." She replies, "Forget it. I'll think of something." The narrator continues (probably as the man's thoughts), "Of course she wanted him to forget it, to have his money's worth; experience had taught her that men who didn't have a good time didn't come back, and she needed this one to come back."

This was a horrifying scene, but I think our own economy works the same way because of specialization. If you're not doing your own work, you don't know how it's being done. All the relevant information, in our market economy, is tied to price. "Death sentence" sex should cost much more than regular sex, so you might get a hint. Unless these women are easily replaceable; then you're not paying the real cost.

Our current system is rampant with artificially low prices. I like low prices as much as the next guy (more, probably), but some of the things that go on behind the store window are just sickening. We all have heard about sweatshops, illegal cut-throat "competition," killer pesticides on grapes, where meat comes from, and other horror stories. But it's not easy to find out how we're getting our products and services unless that is part of the advertising. At least we do have laws against deceptive advertising; that helps. But most people don't want to know; we like having things magically appear in lovely display cases.

Nowadays, some companies brag about their good business practices. So it's easier to find, say, chocolate that has been grown sustainably and acquired at a fair price, rather than chocolate that is produced in such a way as to ruin rain forests and the people who live there. But this information is not easily available for most products and services. I remember an incident at one of those places with a pizza buffet where the wait staff just brought drinks and the check. My friend asked our waiter if we were supposed to tip. He said, "If you want to." Not helpful. She then asked him whether he made at least minimum wage or whether he made only $2 per hour. The answer was $2. So now we know we are supposed to tip.

There are so many, many things I love about living in my time and place. But this is not one of them.

You know how there are things you know are important, but you don't think of them much, until something reminds you and surprises you and makes you vow not to forget so fast next time?

Here are some examples of those kinds of things in my life:

Ethics. Now that I'm no longer a Girl Scout and am no longer religious, I don't hear messages reminding me to do the right thing just because it's the right thing. I do get messages to do the right thing for other reasons, like broadening my professional network or keeping my credit score up or keeping my insurance rates low or not getting a ticket.

Then every once in a while I'll find out about someone doing the right thing and think to myself that I would never have done that, or that I would never have thought of doing that. Or I'll go mildly out of my way to do something I know would be greatly appreciated by someone, and then someone expresses shock because they can't think of any reason why anyone would do that. I had no reason except that a small inconvenience to me would be a big help to someone--hardly your typical ethical dilemma.

Frugality. By this I just mean spending money (and time) wisely, aiming limited resources at the priorities first. I keep getting distracted by pretty pictures and discussions.

Then I read another good frugality blog entry. I now pick up classics on frugality on a regular basis for re-inoculation purposes.

Loved ones. Once the thrills of acquiring the loved ones is gone, it's easy to start taking them for granted, because they love you and let you, and because you get so busy.

But then tragedy strikes, either directly, or in some other way you can't ignore, and you remember again.

The environment. The facts are indisputable. Humans are disturbing the earth, and have been for over 10,000 years. We are disturbing it at a faster and faster rate so that life cannot evolve quickly enough to keep up. And we can make a difference by changing our behavior (cities are no longer as smoky as during the industrial revolution, animals have been brought back from the brink of destruction). But I keep forgetting because I enjoy life on my little broken bits of land and because I can't see the change happening.

Tonight I attended an event addressing the topic of the health of the oceans. I knew it would be horrifying, but it was worse than I knew.

Each year when I'm re-evaluating where my donations will go, I always put environment at the top of my list. But the rest of the year I let myself go about in blissful ignorance (except for trying to burn fewer fossil fuels to get where I'm going). It's not just about donations but about including environmental factors in all kinds of decisions.

Quote of the day, overheard on the west mall ("free speech" area of campus): "In fifteen minutes I'll lose my voice. [pause] Then it will be silence against violence." I was giggling all the way to my destination across campus.

Yesterday, Robin and I watched the movie "Serpico," based on a true story from the 1960s. It's about a police officer who got a job in a department where all the cops were corrupt. And I'm not exaggerating: when he wouldn't take kickbacks himself, he marked himself as someone no other cop could trust.

The movie is about him trying to find a way to just do his job properly. It's a good movie, it survives the decades well, and it helped Al Pacino get famous.

The movie has been staying with me, like I wouldn't expect. And it's because I'm trying to imagine what happened in the aftermath of what they showed in the movie. What if you tried to get rid of the corruption? How could you do it? Everyone was involved. You can't just fire the entire police force.

Let's say you just fire the higher ups and have a new zero-toleration policy. Some of the police would be relieved of course, and be able to do fine. But they were used to getting a much higher income than you can get from a police paycheck alone. In the movie, everyone in one place was getting an extra $800 per month. In the 'sixties! And in another place, that was considered small change. How did all those people adjust to that kind of cut in income? Some probably had accumulated savings. Many must have lived paycheck to paycheck anyway.

How did they deal with family and friends finding out about the corruption? How did their relationships evolve with people they had worked with in the community? Especially people they used to collect money from. I can't imagine.

I also wondered what happened to Serpico. He could be murdered. He could be bitter. He could have killed himself. Hidden out with a new identity. I found The Official Frank Serpico Website to be interesting. He's back in the U.S., helping people fight corruption, both by police and in other areas. He's a little more paranoid than I ever want to be, but not crazy. He's also still learning all kinds of interesting things, like Argentine tango. From my brief perusal of the site, I feel like he's doing okay.

Today I watched the documentary, "The End of Suburbia: Oil Depletion and the Collapse of the American Dream," made in 2004. It was much too long. During the first half I learned only two things:

The first suburbs were pretty cool. They were basically Victorian mansions in parks.

The second suburbs were pretty cool, too. They were set up on trolley lines and were very walkable neighborhoods.

The filmmakers see modern suburbs as beginning after World War II and as being a cartoon of living in the country.

Next, they went on and on about the depletion of fossil fuels. One famous guy said that extraction of natural gas in North America would peak around 1970, meaning that the gas we can find will get more difficult to find, extract, process, that sort of thing. This happened. He also predicted that world oil would peak around 1990, which it didn't because people put it off by ten or fifteen years by conserving oil in the 1970s.

This is a phenomenon I don't understand. People conserving oil? Current US gas prices are lower than our recent peaks, and I heard that it's because demand has fallen. That just seems unAmerican! I wonder what's actually happening. What are people actually doing differently to use less gas?

The filmmaker's conclusion is that suburbs rely on cheap gas and will be insupportable in the foreseeable future. As oil and natural gas become more rare, prices for not only energy but also things like food, which are fertilized with petrochemicals, will become much more expensive. We will need to start driving less and relying more on local resources. One person imagines that suburbs will become the new ghettos, with more than one family in each large house, and the yards converted into gardens. Doesn't sound that scary to me; better than what the characters in Alas Babylon have to deal with.

Except that we won't go quietly. We'll stay in denial as long as possible and go kicking and screaming, electing crazed leaders who promise that nothing will change while they fight continual wars for control over the remaining gas reserves.

Trying to do extra research on the web, it sure seems like people who have a sociological way of looking at things tend to be crazy-sounding extremists. So I won't add anything here about the results of this research.

Unlike most works that try to uncover a scary reality, this movie did include a few suggestions on things individuals can do. 1) When gas prices escalate, realize it's not a conspiracy, and it's not somebody's fault, and it's not temporary. 2) Start now learning to live with fewer fossil fuels. Drive less, look into solar and wind energy so you don't have to rely on the power grid. 3) Start growing some of your own food (in the back yard of course, not the front yard). 4) Try to resist electing crazed extremists. 5) Try to think of jobs you could do that are less global, more local. I'm sure there were more, but they weren't this organized.

The movie had a commentary track, which was kind of nice. With a movie they are trying to line up quotes and video and be all dramatic with a slow build-up and withholding some information until later, but in the commentary they were just talking about what they found interesting.

There's supposed to be a sequel called "Escape from Suburbia," which sounds kind of interesting. They won't feel like they have to spend an hour convincing you that it's really true that life in suburbia can't stay the same, so maybe they can just get right to the juicy bits. Which I'm thinking will be showing people trying to use fewer fossil fuels, create neighborhoods that are pedestrian-friendly, etc.

A friend lent me the DVDs of all the "Firefly" episodes. We are whooshing through them and will probably be finished with them in time to be able to see "Serenity" in a theater this weekend. I like to reward people who make good movies by going in a theatre rather than waiting for the DVD (though it's hard to tell who to reward before seeing the movie).

This series is really making an impression. Yesterday Robin was looking at some computer part and said, "Now, how do you really work?" and I thought of the episode where they brought up some philosopher who would torture people to find out what they're really like.

I don't see how that would work exactly. Don't they just keep screaming? Much better: put them in a mildly uncomfortable situation and then you can see if they stay calm and stay polite. Yes, I see this every week in ballroom dance class. Most people are perfectly fine. I think the others just quit coming. I have to tell you that eight couples doing tango in the room we use for advanced lessons is just too many couples. Learning a new step with just two backwards steps for the man resulted in many, many collisions.

And speaking of character tests, near the end of class, the instructor wanted to separate out the better people to learn a complicated step while the others continued working on the collision step. The way he did this was to ask the people who felt very confident about their pivot steps to come over to his side of the room. Shockingly, about half the class went over there (I felt that only one person could actually pivot).

I neither practiced nor tried the new step. I suck at pivot turns. And I didn't want to squoosh that old huge step into just half the room. And I wanted to see what the advanced step looked like. Also, I was feeling very snarky and was critically observing the other people's pivots. One person did surprise me in being better than I expected.

I later decided that the instructor had probably wanted me and at least one other person who sat out to be on his side of the room, and he did actually tell someone who came over to go back and keep practicing the old step. I decided that rather than measuring skill, he had measured confidence.

Journal Entry of the Day: Barriers Are Your Enemy on I Will Teach You To Be Rich. "I've been thinking about why some people are so successful so quickly, while others seem to get stuck. I think I've got one big reason: The smartest people relentlessly remove barriers around them. And the others let barriers control them." Not funny, but a very thorough explanation of a useful perspective.

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livingdeb

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Review: The Little Book of Hygge
On Date-Rape Drugs
Nerd Nite - Sex and Dating Edition
Amsterdam, Day 6
Famous Last Words
No Flu Shot This Year
Financial Security and Gender
Wedding Planning One-Upsmanship
Theorizing
What to do in emergencies
How You Panic
Two movies
Fall to Grace
Feel good purchases
Important Things You Keep Forgetting About
Movie: "Serpico"
Movie: "The End of Suburbia"
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Note of the Living Deb

Entries tagged with social science

Review: The Little Book of Hygge

On Date-Rape Drugs

Nerd Nite - Sex and Dating Edition

Amsterdam, Day 6

Famous Last Words

No Flu Shot This Year

Financial Security and Gender

Wedding Planning One-Upsmanship

Theorizing

What to do in emergencies

How You Panic

Two movies

Fall to Grace

Feel good purchases

Important Things You Keep Forgetting About

Movie: "Serpico"

Movie: "The End of Suburbia"

(no subject)