Nerd Nite - Sex and Dating Edition
Feb. 5th, 2011 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livingdebI went to Nerd Nite this month even though because it's February, the same month that has Valentine's Day in it, the theme is sex and dating. I went mainly because one of my friends was doing one of the presentations, but they all turned out to be fun. I don't know how people (especially nerds) get so confident on the stage, but just like last time I went, all three of the speakers were engaging.
“Steers and Queers: Sex Toy Laws in Texas,” by Julie Sunday
I don't care about sex toys myself, so I have not paid attention to laws about them. I figured the picture would be pretty grim. It turns out that it became much less grim in 2008.
Before 2008, it was illegal to sell or to promote (or give away) sex toys. However, it was not illegal to own them, so long as you had no more than five. (If you had more than five, you were obviously a distributor.)
What was considered a sex toy? Any device designed for the stimulation of human sexual organs. This means the electronic bull ejaculator was legal. It costs $1,500. Our speaker showed us a picture and said, "I don't even know what all those parts are." "Butt plugs" are also legal, since butts aren't sexual organs.
Even now, sex toys are sold as "novelties." That's because novelties are not regulated by organizations such as the Food and Drug Administration (which regulates other things that go in the body), the Consumer Product Safety Commission (which regulates children's toys and other products), or the Centers for Disease Control (which regulates other health related things).
Even now, phthalates, banned for use in children's toys, are still routinely used in sex toys (as well as shower curtains, raincoats and rubber boots). Toys made with phthalates, which help soften plastic, have a waxy look to them and a sweet vanilla sort of smell. Also, our speaker explained that they are "totally crappy and gross." They reduce sperm count in men and in future men (fetuses). The phthalates get absorbed through the skin, and the closer they are to the sex organs, the worse the problem is. Sex toys often get close to sex organs for some reasons. Our speaker recommended that if you have any toys made with this stuff, you should throw them away and get some better ones. She recommended hard toys, or, if you prefer soft ones, go for silicone.
She also mentioned that sex toys can be therapeutic for both sexes: orgasms relieve menstrual cramps and frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer.
Someone asked her if it was ever okay for a mother to give her daughter a sex toy, or is it only okay for the cool aunt to do. I liked her answer. She said just try not to train them that sex is dirty or disgusting, and they will find their own sex toys. There are plenty of ordinary children's toys that happen to vibrate, for example, such as a vibrating pen she used to have as a kid.
“The Mathematics of Dating,” By Sheena Madan
What's a good way to match people into stable couples? The stable marriage problem looks at the situation where you have the same number of heterosexual men and women, and each person can rank the members of the opposite gender.
The speaker described the stable marriage algorithm as being like the math of 1950's dating. First all the men go to the balconies of their number 1 pick and sing to them. Each woman with wooers chooses her favorite one. The next night, all the remaining men go to their number two pick, etc. In the end, all the people will be matched up and there will be no rogue couples. A rogue couple is made up of two people who both like each other better than the person they are with.
Then the speaker explained that she had done ten years of field research with this algorithm. First, in the description given above, are the marriages optimized for the men or the women? For the men--they get first pick. So the lessons from that are to a) hit on everyone, going down your list and b) have a thick skin (to handle any rejections).
The speaker's field research suggested that women should not use the "club and drag" technique. Instead, it's better to try flirting (she recommends the Social Issues Research Centre's Guide to Flirting).
Here's another lesson: don't settle. If you add to the stable marriage problem the idea that people can have standards, the result is that not all the people will be matched up. And this is a good thing. It's better to be single than to be in a bad marriage. So, you should be willing to reject, even if there's only one guy.
There are several problems with the model. One is that iterations can take a long time. One is that in real life there are influxes of new people. And one is that you can change your mind.
(To me, the biggest problem is that you don't have perfect information, and so you can't actually rank people properly.)
The speaker also recommends that if you find your soulmate through other means, ditch the algorithm and go with it.
There is a similar algorithm for many-to-one matches called the hospitals/resident algorithm.
An audience member suggested that a similar situation exists for employer/employee matches. (Interesting. That implies that jobs are optimized for the employee since we are the ones showing up at the employer balconies and they are stuck choose from us or going without.)
“An Introduction to Erotic Fan Fiction For Aspiring Writers,” by F*Bomb
Why write erotic fan fiction? Because it's easier than regular fiction. As with all fan fiction, you've already got characters and setting created for you. And with erotic fiction, you already know what the characters will be doing.
The speaker explained that the general rules of good writing apply. Show. Don't tell.
In addition, erotica is not porn. It's all about the crushes and the build-up. Tease and toy with your reader.
In addition, for fan fiction, do not introduce new characters. It's cheating. And for a TV show, especially, there are plenty of secondary characters to choose from if you need to.
Working with restrictions can help you be more creative.
The speaker was asked if there was a way to make money doing this. No. a) Fan fiction is based on shows that nerds like. In other words, shows that get canceled after two seasons. Shows that themselves don't make any money. b) Fan fiction tends to be pretty crappy.
Blog Entry of the Day - Setting the bar low: Suck less at What Now? This is about how sometimes setting the bar low can help you accomplish more than otherwise.
“Steers and Queers: Sex Toy Laws in Texas,” by Julie Sunday
I don't care about sex toys myself, so I have not paid attention to laws about them. I figured the picture would be pretty grim. It turns out that it became much less grim in 2008.
Before 2008, it was illegal to sell or to promote (or give away) sex toys. However, it was not illegal to own them, so long as you had no more than five. (If you had more than five, you were obviously a distributor.)
What was considered a sex toy? Any device designed for the stimulation of human sexual organs. This means the electronic bull ejaculator was legal. It costs $1,500. Our speaker showed us a picture and said, "I don't even know what all those parts are." "Butt plugs" are also legal, since butts aren't sexual organs.
Even now, sex toys are sold as "novelties." That's because novelties are not regulated by organizations such as the Food and Drug Administration (which regulates other things that go in the body), the Consumer Product Safety Commission (which regulates children's toys and other products), or the Centers for Disease Control (which regulates other health related things).
Even now, phthalates, banned for use in children's toys, are still routinely used in sex toys (as well as shower curtains, raincoats and rubber boots). Toys made with phthalates, which help soften plastic, have a waxy look to them and a sweet vanilla sort of smell. Also, our speaker explained that they are "totally crappy and gross." They reduce sperm count in men and in future men (fetuses). The phthalates get absorbed through the skin, and the closer they are to the sex organs, the worse the problem is. Sex toys often get close to sex organs for some reasons. Our speaker recommended that if you have any toys made with this stuff, you should throw them away and get some better ones. She recommended hard toys, or, if you prefer soft ones, go for silicone.
She also mentioned that sex toys can be therapeutic for both sexes: orgasms relieve menstrual cramps and frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer.
Someone asked her if it was ever okay for a mother to give her daughter a sex toy, or is it only okay for the cool aunt to do. I liked her answer. She said just try not to train them that sex is dirty or disgusting, and they will find their own sex toys. There are plenty of ordinary children's toys that happen to vibrate, for example, such as a vibrating pen she used to have as a kid.
“The Mathematics of Dating,” By Sheena Madan
What's a good way to match people into stable couples? The stable marriage problem looks at the situation where you have the same number of heterosexual men and women, and each person can rank the members of the opposite gender.
The speaker described the stable marriage algorithm as being like the math of 1950's dating. First all the men go to the balconies of their number 1 pick and sing to them. Each woman with wooers chooses her favorite one. The next night, all the remaining men go to their number two pick, etc. In the end, all the people will be matched up and there will be no rogue couples. A rogue couple is made up of two people who both like each other better than the person they are with.
Then the speaker explained that she had done ten years of field research with this algorithm. First, in the description given above, are the marriages optimized for the men or the women? For the men--they get first pick. So the lessons from that are to a) hit on everyone, going down your list and b) have a thick skin (to handle any rejections).
The speaker's field research suggested that women should not use the "club and drag" technique. Instead, it's better to try flirting (she recommends the Social Issues Research Centre's Guide to Flirting).
Here's another lesson: don't settle. If you add to the stable marriage problem the idea that people can have standards, the result is that not all the people will be matched up. And this is a good thing. It's better to be single than to be in a bad marriage. So, you should be willing to reject, even if there's only one guy.
There are several problems with the model. One is that iterations can take a long time. One is that in real life there are influxes of new people. And one is that you can change your mind.
(To me, the biggest problem is that you don't have perfect information, and so you can't actually rank people properly.)
The speaker also recommends that if you find your soulmate through other means, ditch the algorithm and go with it.
There is a similar algorithm for many-to-one matches called the hospitals/resident algorithm.
An audience member suggested that a similar situation exists for employer/employee matches. (Interesting. That implies that jobs are optimized for the employee since we are the ones showing up at the employer balconies and they are stuck choose from us or going without.)
“An Introduction to Erotic Fan Fiction For Aspiring Writers,” by F*Bomb
Why write erotic fan fiction? Because it's easier than regular fiction. As with all fan fiction, you've already got characters and setting created for you. And with erotic fiction, you already know what the characters will be doing.
The speaker explained that the general rules of good writing apply. Show. Don't tell.
In addition, erotica is not porn. It's all about the crushes and the build-up. Tease and toy with your reader.
In addition, for fan fiction, do not introduce new characters. It's cheating. And for a TV show, especially, there are plenty of secondary characters to choose from if you need to.
Working with restrictions can help you be more creative.
The speaker was asked if there was a way to make money doing this. No. a) Fan fiction is based on shows that nerds like. In other words, shows that get canceled after two seasons. Shows that themselves don't make any money. b) Fan fiction tends to be pretty crappy.
Blog Entry of the Day - Setting the bar low: Suck less at What Now? This is about how sometimes setting the bar low can help you accomplish more than otherwise.
The beauty of this new mantra ["suck less"], I now realize, is that it makes my typical self-deprecation pointless. Today, for example, I was mostly a slug all morning and then took a nap in the afternoon, accomplishing essentially nothing for hours at a time. And under normal circumstances, this would send me into a spiral of shame about how good for nothing I am. But instead, when I woke up from my nap, I thought, "Well, I've sucked thus far today; now it's time to suck less." And I did. Was I amazingly productive afterward? Well, no. But did I suck less? Darn tootin'! And I'm much more cheerful for it.