Mourning Election Results
Nov. 11th, 2024 03:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livingdebWhen I learned about the presidential election results this year, I wasn't shocked, just horrified. Trump won the election and the popular vote. It felt similar to the time in 2005 when all 254 of the counties in my state except mine voted to amend the state constitution to prohibit gay marriage. I felt surrounded by hate. I wondered what is wrong with people.
This election also made me decide that sexism is much worse than I ever thought. When I was growing up in the 'sixties, I kept hearing that men and women are equal. Duh. I only later realized they were saying that so often because so many people didn't believe it, or pretended not to, even though everyone actually knows women. And the ERA never passed. And some people just can't vote for a woman president.
Dealing
When in a fight-or-flight situation, I'm actually inclined toward a third option: hiding. Shutting down. Why do anything; it doesn't matter anyway. Curling into a little ball under the covers. Shutting out everyone and everything.
That's no way to live.
Though mourning is appropriate. And it's appropriate to need extra time and effort for self-care. All those things that your employer who overworks you tells you in their anti-stress seminars about taking deep breaths and doing yoga and having bubble baths (but while also still telling you to "do more with less"). I'm allowing myself to do a bit of destructive mourning (my personal favorite is stress eating). But then it's best to switch to healthier strategies. Robin and I spent an afternoon playing Wingspan. One friend is "overdosing" on stand-up comedy.
Longer-term, I want to do what I did after my best friend was murdered decades ago. I had learned that life changes, even good ones like marriage, tend to be stressful, and stress tends to be bad for your health. I resolved that I would not let her murderer do any more damage to me than he had already done. And so I have determined not to be an accessory to any more damage than Trump and his supporters are already doing.
And so that means continuing to live by my own values and for my own goals. Which did not suddenly stop mattering overnight. There are several mantras out there that can help. "Fake it 'til you make it." The civil rights classic, "Keep your eyes on the prize." Even Taylor Swift's "I can do it with a broken heart."
A neighbor likes "appalled, but loving." She loves America and is also appalled. She loves democracy and is also appalled. She can hold both.
But for some of us (not me, probably), self-care has just gotten a lot harder. They will have to keep a close eye on their risks and their options. For the lucky ones like me, self care isn't really enough.
I don't know what to do yet. Everyone agrees don't stand idly by but they don't say what to do. I feel like I have very little power. But then, as only one person, that's as it should be. It doesn't mean I have no power. Here are some ideas I've heard about.
* Keep on voting. How you vote is still secret. If your county is like mine, you can vote early or on election day in any polling location in the county, so to stay safe, you could choose one in a predominantly conservative area.
* Activist stuff--calling your government representatives, writing letters to media editors, signing petitions, participating in protests. Strange new opportunities may pop up, like calling extremist ideas "weird." This may not be safe if you're too good at it with Trump's focus on retribution, but I still feel like it makes sense for me.
* Voting with your pocketbook. Try to make your expenditures align better with your values, to the extent that you can afford to do so. And if you do change a habit, maybe write to the companies involved to make your decision known.
* Supporting the issue(s) you most care about with volunteering and/or monetary donations to groups that work on them.
People also talk about getting/renewing passports and researching where you might go if it becomes time to leave the country. There is no escape from my worst fears of climate catastrophe and WW III, so I may as well stay and vote. But some people are also targets.
How are you dealing?
What I'm mourning
I was waiting to write this post until I could write about what all I was mourning. Maybe as a poem. But Jimmy Kimmel said it better than I could:
It was a terrible night
for women
for children
for the hundreds of thousands of hardworking immigrants who make this country go
for health care
for our climate
for science
for journalism
for justice
for free speech.
It was a terrible night
for poor people
for the middle class
for seniors who rely on Social Security
for our allies in Ukraine
for NATO
for the truth
and democracy
and decency.
And it was a terrible night for everyone who voted against him.
And, guess what?
It was a bad night for everyone who voted for him, too.
You just don't realize it yet.
I also mourn the election for trans people, non-Christians, non-fundamentalist Christians, librarians, teachers, doctors. And for peace and low inflation.
On the bright side, less than 10 years after the above-mentioned Constitutional amendment was passed, my state had become pro-gay marriage. And it wasn't all Yankee infiltrators, either. People changed their minds. They can do it again.
This election also made me decide that sexism is much worse than I ever thought. When I was growing up in the 'sixties, I kept hearing that men and women are equal. Duh. I only later realized they were saying that so often because so many people didn't believe it, or pretended not to, even though everyone actually knows women. And the ERA never passed. And some people just can't vote for a woman president.
Dealing
When in a fight-or-flight situation, I'm actually inclined toward a third option: hiding. Shutting down. Why do anything; it doesn't matter anyway. Curling into a little ball under the covers. Shutting out everyone and everything.
That's no way to live.
Though mourning is appropriate. And it's appropriate to need extra time and effort for self-care. All those things that your employer who overworks you tells you in their anti-stress seminars about taking deep breaths and doing yoga and having bubble baths (but while also still telling you to "do more with less"). I'm allowing myself to do a bit of destructive mourning (my personal favorite is stress eating). But then it's best to switch to healthier strategies. Robin and I spent an afternoon playing Wingspan. One friend is "overdosing" on stand-up comedy.
Longer-term, I want to do what I did after my best friend was murdered decades ago. I had learned that life changes, even good ones like marriage, tend to be stressful, and stress tends to be bad for your health. I resolved that I would not let her murderer do any more damage to me than he had already done. And so I have determined not to be an accessory to any more damage than Trump and his supporters are already doing.
And so that means continuing to live by my own values and for my own goals. Which did not suddenly stop mattering overnight. There are several mantras out there that can help. "Fake it 'til you make it." The civil rights classic, "Keep your eyes on the prize." Even Taylor Swift's "I can do it with a broken heart."
A neighbor likes "appalled, but loving." She loves America and is also appalled. She loves democracy and is also appalled. She can hold both.
But for some of us (not me, probably), self-care has just gotten a lot harder. They will have to keep a close eye on their risks and their options. For the lucky ones like me, self care isn't really enough.
I don't know what to do yet. Everyone agrees don't stand idly by but they don't say what to do. I feel like I have very little power. But then, as only one person, that's as it should be. It doesn't mean I have no power. Here are some ideas I've heard about.
* Keep on voting. How you vote is still secret. If your county is like mine, you can vote early or on election day in any polling location in the county, so to stay safe, you could choose one in a predominantly conservative area.
* Activist stuff--calling your government representatives, writing letters to media editors, signing petitions, participating in protests. Strange new opportunities may pop up, like calling extremist ideas "weird." This may not be safe if you're too good at it with Trump's focus on retribution, but I still feel like it makes sense for me.
* Voting with your pocketbook. Try to make your expenditures align better with your values, to the extent that you can afford to do so. And if you do change a habit, maybe write to the companies involved to make your decision known.
* Supporting the issue(s) you most care about with volunteering and/or monetary donations to groups that work on them.
People also talk about getting/renewing passports and researching where you might go if it becomes time to leave the country. There is no escape from my worst fears of climate catastrophe and WW III, so I may as well stay and vote. But some people are also targets.
How are you dealing?
What I'm mourning
I was waiting to write this post until I could write about what all I was mourning. Maybe as a poem. But Jimmy Kimmel said it better than I could:
It was a terrible night
for children
for the hundreds of thousands of hardworking immigrants who make this country go
for health care
for our climate
for science
for journalism
for justice
for free speech.
It was a terrible night
for the middle class
for seniors who rely on Social Security
for our allies in Ukraine
for NATO
for the truth
and democracy
and decency.
And it was a terrible night for everyone who voted against him.
And, guess what?
It was a bad night for everyone who voted for him, too.
You just don't realize it yet.
I also mourn the election for trans people, non-Christians, non-fundamentalist Christians, librarians, teachers, doctors. And for peace and low inflation.
On the bright side, less than 10 years after the above-mentioned Constitutional amendment was passed, my state had become pro-gay marriage. And it wasn't all Yankee infiltrators, either. People changed their minds. They can do it again.
no subject
on 2024-11-12 12:43 am (UTC)I’m trying very hard not to dwell too much on the many wrongs that I can’t fix rather than the ones I can. (Persist, resist, and grow.) I’m angry. I’m depressed. I’m determined to keep living.
no subject
on 2024-11-12 11:39 pm (UTC)