Mourning Election Results
Nov. 11th, 2024 03:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livingdebWhen I learned about the presidential election results this year, I wasn't shocked, just horrified. Trump won the election and the popular vote. It felt similar to the time in 2005 when all 254 of the counties in my state except mine voted to amend the state constitution to prohibit gay marriage. I felt surrounded by hate. I wondered what is wrong with people.
This election also made me decide that sexism is much worse than I ever thought. When I was growing up in the 'sixties, I kept hearing that men and women are equal. Duh. I only later realized they were saying that so often because so many people didn't believe it, or pretended not to, even though everyone actually knows women. And the ERA never passed. And some people just can't vote for a woman president.
Dealing
When in a fight-or-flight situation, I'm actually inclined toward a third option: hiding. Shutting down. Why do anything; it doesn't matter anyway. Curling into a little ball under the covers. Shutting out everyone and everything.
That's no way to live.
Though mourning is appropriate. And it's appropriate to need extra time and effort for self-care. All those things that your employer who overworks you tells you in their anti-stress seminars about taking deep breaths and doing yoga and having bubble baths (but while also still telling you to "do more with less"). I'm allowing myself to do a bit of destructive mourning (my personal favorite is stress eating). But then it's best to switch to healthier strategies. Robin and I spent an afternoon playing Wingspan. One friend is "overdosing" on stand-up comedy.
Longer-term, I want to do what I did after my best friend was murdered decades ago. I had learned that life changes, even good ones like marriage, tend to be stressful, and stress tends to be bad for your health. I resolved that I would not let her murderer do any more damage to me than he had already done. And so I have determined not to be an accessory to any more damage than Trump and his supporters are already doing.
And so that means continuing to live by my own values and for my own goals. Which did not suddenly stop mattering overnight. There are several mantras out there that can help. "Fake it 'til you make it." The civil rights classic, "Keep your eyes on the prize." Even Taylor Swift's "I can do it with a broken heart."
A neighbor likes "appalled, but loving." She loves America and is also appalled. She loves democracy and is also appalled. She can hold both.
But for some of us (not me, probably), self-care has just gotten a lot harder. They will have to keep a close eye on their risks and their options. For the lucky ones like me, self care isn't really enough.
I don't know what to do yet. Everyone agrees don't stand idly by but they don't say what to do. I feel like I have very little power. But then, as only one person, that's as it should be. It doesn't mean I have no power. Here are some ideas I've heard about.
* Keep on voting. How you vote is still secret. If your county is like mine, you can vote early or on election day in any polling location in the county, so to stay safe, you could choose one in a predominantly conservative area.
* Activist stuff--calling your government representatives, writing letters to media editors, signing petitions, participating in protests. Strange new opportunities may pop up, like calling extremist ideas "weird." This may not be safe if you're too good at it with Trump's focus on retribution, but I still feel like it makes sense for me.
* Voting with your pocketbook. Try to make your expenditures align better with your values, to the extent that you can afford to do so. And if you do change a habit, maybe write to the companies involved to make your decision known.
* Supporting the issue(s) you most care about with volunteering and/or monetary donations to groups that work on them.
People also talk about getting/renewing passports and researching where you might go if it becomes time to leave the country. There is no escape from my worst fears of climate catastrophe and WW III, so I may as well stay and vote. But some people are also targets.
How are you dealing?
What I'm mourning
I was waiting to write this post until I could write about what all I was mourning. Maybe as a poem. But Jimmy Kimmel said it better than I could:
It was a terrible night
for women
for children
for the hundreds of thousands of hardworking immigrants who make this country go
for health care
for our climate
for science
for journalism
for justice
for free speech.
It was a terrible night
for poor people
for the middle class
for seniors who rely on Social Security
for our allies in Ukraine
for NATO
for the truth
and democracy
and decency.
And it was a terrible night for everyone who voted against him.
And, guess what?
It was a bad night for everyone who voted for him, too.
You just don't realize it yet.
I also mourn the election for trans people, non-Christians, non-fundamentalist Christians, librarians, teachers, doctors. And for peace and low inflation.
On the bright side, less than 10 years after the above-mentioned Constitutional amendment was passed, my state had become pro-gay marriage. And it wasn't all Yankee infiltrators, either. People changed their minds. They can do it again.
This election also made me decide that sexism is much worse than I ever thought. When I was growing up in the 'sixties, I kept hearing that men and women are equal. Duh. I only later realized they were saying that so often because so many people didn't believe it, or pretended not to, even though everyone actually knows women. And the ERA never passed. And some people just can't vote for a woman president.
Dealing
When in a fight-or-flight situation, I'm actually inclined toward a third option: hiding. Shutting down. Why do anything; it doesn't matter anyway. Curling into a little ball under the covers. Shutting out everyone and everything.
That's no way to live.
Though mourning is appropriate. And it's appropriate to need extra time and effort for self-care. All those things that your employer who overworks you tells you in their anti-stress seminars about taking deep breaths and doing yoga and having bubble baths (but while also still telling you to "do more with less"). I'm allowing myself to do a bit of destructive mourning (my personal favorite is stress eating). But then it's best to switch to healthier strategies. Robin and I spent an afternoon playing Wingspan. One friend is "overdosing" on stand-up comedy.
Longer-term, I want to do what I did after my best friend was murdered decades ago. I had learned that life changes, even good ones like marriage, tend to be stressful, and stress tends to be bad for your health. I resolved that I would not let her murderer do any more damage to me than he had already done. And so I have determined not to be an accessory to any more damage than Trump and his supporters are already doing.
And so that means continuing to live by my own values and for my own goals. Which did not suddenly stop mattering overnight. There are several mantras out there that can help. "Fake it 'til you make it." The civil rights classic, "Keep your eyes on the prize." Even Taylor Swift's "I can do it with a broken heart."
A neighbor likes "appalled, but loving." She loves America and is also appalled. She loves democracy and is also appalled. She can hold both.
But for some of us (not me, probably), self-care has just gotten a lot harder. They will have to keep a close eye on their risks and their options. For the lucky ones like me, self care isn't really enough.
I don't know what to do yet. Everyone agrees don't stand idly by but they don't say what to do. I feel like I have very little power. But then, as only one person, that's as it should be. It doesn't mean I have no power. Here are some ideas I've heard about.
* Keep on voting. How you vote is still secret. If your county is like mine, you can vote early or on election day in any polling location in the county, so to stay safe, you could choose one in a predominantly conservative area.
* Activist stuff--calling your government representatives, writing letters to media editors, signing petitions, participating in protests. Strange new opportunities may pop up, like calling extremist ideas "weird." This may not be safe if you're too good at it with Trump's focus on retribution, but I still feel like it makes sense for me.
* Voting with your pocketbook. Try to make your expenditures align better with your values, to the extent that you can afford to do so. And if you do change a habit, maybe write to the companies involved to make your decision known.
* Supporting the issue(s) you most care about with volunteering and/or monetary donations to groups that work on them.
People also talk about getting/renewing passports and researching where you might go if it becomes time to leave the country. There is no escape from my worst fears of climate catastrophe and WW III, so I may as well stay and vote. But some people are also targets.
How are you dealing?
What I'm mourning
I was waiting to write this post until I could write about what all I was mourning. Maybe as a poem. But Jimmy Kimmel said it better than I could:
It was a terrible night
for children
for the hundreds of thousands of hardworking immigrants who make this country go
for health care
for our climate
for science
for journalism
for justice
for free speech.
It was a terrible night
for the middle class
for seniors who rely on Social Security
for our allies in Ukraine
for NATO
for the truth
and democracy
and decency.
And it was a terrible night for everyone who voted against him.
And, guess what?
It was a bad night for everyone who voted for him, too.
You just don't realize it yet.
I also mourn the election for trans people, non-Christians, non-fundamentalist Christians, librarians, teachers, doctors. And for peace and low inflation.
On the bright side, less than 10 years after the above-mentioned Constitutional amendment was passed, my state had become pro-gay marriage. And it wasn't all Yankee infiltrators, either. People changed their minds. They can do it again.
no subject
on 2024-11-12 12:43 am (UTC)I’m trying very hard not to dwell too much on the many wrongs that I can’t fix rather than the ones I can. (Persist, resist, and grow.) I’m angry. I’m depressed. I’m determined to keep living.
no subject
on 2024-11-12 11:39 pm (UTC)Here's a quote from my US Rep, Lloyd Doggett
on 2024-11-17 04:25 pm (UTC)With Republicans taking control of both the House and Senate, Trump will be given free rein to pursue his worst and most radical instincts and appoint his most extreme loyalists. Even though we are in the minority, unable to set the national agenda, those of us entrusted with elected office must be a bulwark of freedom resisting the march to fascism. We will be the restraint in Washington on a President, who is determined to be unrestrained. We must learn from our losses, seek to enlarge our coalition, search for any issues where we can find common ground with Republicans, expose wrongdoing, discourage forms of opposition that only help Trump, and defend our fundamental rights. By expanding the number of Americans, who recognize Trump’s overreach and demand freedom, we can slowly overcome this crisis.
Going forward, we have a measuring stick marked with economic and health care conditions as they exist this very day by which to evaluate his future conduct and policies. As he begins implementing his campaign promises with extensive new taxes in the form of tariffs, mass deportations, health quackery, abandoning our response to the climate crisis, soaring indebtedness to finance more tax cuts for his billionaire buddies, and other elements of his dangerous Project 2025, families across America will begin feeling the impact, while Trump finds others to blame for his failures.
Some will immediately focus on gender and race as reasons for our election defeat. While those factors are certainly real, I believe there was something more at the heart of Trump’s victory. Though President Biden helped to stabilize and rebuild our country from the devastation of a pandemic, an insurrection, and years of Trump wreckage, many voters still felt abandoned. On election eve, only 41% rated his presidency favorably, and a majority said our country was headed in the wrong direction. Though we disagree, let’s listen and better address those who responded to Trump’s lies and false promises.
The reality is that many voters wanted an agent of forceful change. When initially questioned, Vice President Harris could not really distinguish her policies from those of President Biden. Despite her best efforts, she simply could not convince enough voters that she was the change agent; her experience as vice president was used against her.
Though the aftermath of this election is bleak, when good people give up, conditions can get much worse. We must remain engaged and involved because we love our country too much to give up on it. Democracy is not error-proof, but it remains our best hope. The security and resilience of our democracy comes from all of us. Our work to sustain and strengthen it is never ending.
Focus versus distraction
on 2024-11-18 04:03 pm (UTC)Once upon a time there was a girl who was very sick. She couldn't make herself eat more than a couple of bites of anything in one sitting. She had stopped growing and was wasting away.
Once again, her parents brought her to the hospital for tests. They got a sandwich, but were too stressed to eat it, waiting for the results.
It turned out that the whole problem had started during school when she learned about the climate crisis. Of course everyone was horrified. But by the time they'd walked out of the classroom, the girl's classmates were laughing and talking about other things.
The girl, however, was austistic and could not stop thinking about the climate crisis. Basically, she couldn't eat for the exact same reason that her parents never ate that sandwich at the hospital, and she felt that way all the time.
The girl started skipping school on Fridays to protest at her country's parliament. At first, most people ignored her or made fun of her. Eventually she got some attention and people around the world were inviting her to give talks. Meanwhile, she and her parents also became vegan and quit flying among other things, to do their part. As her mother was an opera singer, she had to change careers. All this worked to save Greta Thunberg's life, though years later, she's still protesting, mostly in vain. (And nowadays also about the Israeli/Palestinian war, but that's a whole other topic.)
The climate crisis is the most important issue of our time. It makes good sense to keep it in mind. Greta, in fact, calls her autism a super power, because it lets her do this. For other people, we need to be reminded. I think one of the great functions of going to church every week, for example, is to remind yourself on a regular basis that you want to be a good person (and not just successful, happy, healthy, etc.).
Americans have just gotten out of that classroom where we learned about the election results. Will we be like Greta's classmates, and move on and focus on other issues that feel closer and more fun or more urgent? Will we be like Greta, who has shown us the other end of the spectrum (ha! pun!). Perhaps there's a good spot for us somewhere in the middle.
Interesting links:
* Knowing When To Act in Dangerous Situations - They recommend not only staying alert and informed but also thinking in advance about what could happen and making plans for what you would do in that situation so you can be prepared rather than panicked.
* Staying Safe, Alert and Steady in a Dangerous Situation - They emphasize making sure your information is reliable and they say "your first priority is to keep yourself safe and find ways to meet basic physical needs – for water, food, shelter and treatment of any injuries, for example. ... If the danger is long-lasting, you will also need to find ways to maintain your vigilance, energy and clear thinking until the danger has passed or you have moved to a place of greater safety."
* How To Fight Injustice - They talk about how to recognize unfairness and recommend looking into who's in charge and how things got to be unfair, and then brainstorming ways things could be different, looking at the pros and cons of each, and then taking action.
(But a surprisingly not helpful link is Autism and Catastrophising which basically says don't worry, because things probably won't be as bad as you're imagining.)