If Coronavirus Could Sing

[livingdeb]

I've been thinking up new lyrics to old songs, from the viewpoint of the coronavirus. Warning: These are depressing and/or mean.


I'm Corona

To the tune of "My Sharona" (The Knack, 1979)

Ooh, my little pretty one, my pretty one,
When you gonna breathe me in? I'm Corona!
Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run!
Gonna make you cough because I'm Corona!
Never gonna stop, give it up, gonna get inside.
I always find your lung, open up, and then break inside.
I'm, I'm, I, aye-aye, woo!
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Corona!

Come a little closer, hon, give me a hug.
Close enough to get in your eye, you know it!
Makin' it hard to breathe, hard to breathe.
Cough into your elbow all the time, you know it!
Never gonna stop, give it up, gonna get inside!
I always find your lung, open up, and then break inside.
I'm, I'm, I, aye-aye, woo!
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Corona!
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Corona!

When you gonna get to me, get to me?
Is it just a matter of time? You know it!
Am I your d-destiny? Your destiny?
Or am I a conspiracy? I'm Corona!
Never gonna stop, give it up, gonna get inside!
I always find your lung, open up, and then break inside.
I'm, I'm, I, aye-aye, woo!
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Corona!


'Rona's Song

To the tune of "Annie's Song" (John Denver, 1974)

I fill up your lung cells, like the bugs in the forest,
Like the pollen in springtime, like a walk in the rain,
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean.
I fill up your lung cells, until they are full.

Come let me take you, let me give my genes to you,
Let me bring the hereafter, let me buy you the farm,
Let me lay down inside you, let me always be with you.
Come let me take you, come breathe me, right now.

I fill up your lung cells, like the syrup on waffles,
Like the stuff in your junk drawer, like a clog in the drain,
Like the tourists on cruise ships, like a Twinkie's white filling,
I fill up your lung cells, until they are full.


I am COVID

To the tune of "I Am Woman" (Helen Reddy, 1971)

I am COVID, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I've grown too much to go away again.
'Cause you ignored me before.
So I'm going out the door.
No one's ever gonna keep me down again!
Oh yes, I am small.
But it's invisibility!
Yes, I've made the news!
Just look how much I've gained!
If I have to, I can do anything!
I am strong!
I am invincible!
I am COVID!

You can't immunize against me.
You can't test to see who has me.
You can only stay away from all your friends.
Then I'll come back even stronger.
Not a novice any longer.
Not until you find a cure will this all end.
Oh yes, I am small.
But it's invisibility!
Yes, I've made the news!
Just look how much I've gained!
If I have to, I can do anything!
I am strong!
I am invincible!
I am COVID!


Old-Time Religion

To the tune of some song I apparently imagined hearing that is a conflation of "Old-Time Religion" and "Working on a Building." It's bluesy. Rachel Harrington's "Old-Time Religion/Working on a Building" (2008)

If I were a virus,
I tell you what I'd do.
I'd go to church on Sunday
And give you all the flu.

Give me that old-time religion.
Give me that old-time religion.
Give me that old-time religion.
It's good enough for me.

If I were COVID-19,
I tell you where I'd be.
I'd be in church on Easter,
Meeting your family.

Give me that old-time religion.
Give me that old-time religion.
Give me that old-time religion.
It's good enough for me.