Five Businesses I'll Never Own

[livingdeb]

Read Perpetual Blonde's version first because it's funnier. If you only have time for one, pick hers. It's so cool, I'm pretending it's a meme.

Here are five businesses I'll never own both because I don't want to be a business owner and because these businesses would not make money.

1. MOM'S DINER - The meal and price are posted outside. The philosophy is "You'll eat what you're served." A sample breakfast would be whole wheat chocolate chip banana pancakes served hot off the griddle with butter and organic skim milk. Syrup and peanut butter provided on request only. Another breakfast would be three-cheese omelet (sharp cheddar cheese, cream cheese, and seasonal cheese) with a whole wheat biscuit and your choice of juice. The biscuits come with butter and pumpkin butter. Seconds are allowed, but not thirds. There will be no coffee. There will be no mimosas. Only yummy things I like. Yes, another philosophy will be "because I said so." Wait staff is also allowed to use the phrase, "Your face is going to freeze like that."

2. TYPE-WHILE-YOU-WAIT SERVICE - Client brings note cards for a paper for any class other than English. I bring a notebook computer, a portable printer with paper, and a disc. Client composes paper aloud as I type it. Grammar and punctuation provided by typist. Typist periodically asks what is meant and suggests better word choices, sentence organization, etc. At the end, client receives a printout and, in case client thinks of changes later, a disc, with the paper saved in the format of the client's choice. This would be so cool except that students all do their own typing now.

3. DECORATE WITH WHAT YOU HAVE - I go to house of client with bare walls. I reorganize furniture to make sure it's comfy and works. I look through drawers and closets and the garage and find things to hang on the walls. It might be skis. Or interesting t-shirts on hangers. (Like "Trading Spaces," only with a budget of $0.) These clients are too poor to pay, though, right? And of course everyone would think these ideas are dumb.

4. BUSINESS SPACE FOR THE HOMELESS - After a business closes for the day, move tables or displays to the edges of the room and put up cots for the homeless. Before the business opens in the morning, clean up and put everything back the way it was. The homeless guys have to help organize everything and sign the thank-you letter.

5. BALLROOM DANCING FOR HIRE - Come to parties and dance through the whole party. Um, this way no guest ever has to worry about being the only one dancing? Um, good for high school reunions? And big, fabulous weddings?

Comments

[fraeuleinchen.livejournal.com]

I love #3 and #5; I could do both on a part time basis and be very happy (except #5 would probably be more freestyle for me). As for the Decorating gig, and for using what one has, I find that I am so used to doing this in life, that I find it limiting to have to start with anything new. Styles and options available in retail stores are boring to me. I much prefer things with character and a history (or, lacking those, a certain patina of unknown etiology) to the shiny and new. I consider resourcefulness one of the main facets of my personality/identity. Number 4 actually also serves that purpose while also being humanitarian. Recently (and there's more in my own journal about this) I thought that people going away on vacation should be able to donate the food in their fridges, which would otherwise spoil and be wasted, to homeless shelters or to some other sort of network of people would use it.