Cover Letter

[livingdeb]

Dear Person:

I am applying for your job.

I've never done this kind of stuff, so I'm not sure how I'll do. But y'all train people, right?

I hope your other candidates suck and thus I will be the obvious best candidate.

Sincerely,
me

**

Maybe I better work on that draft a bit more.

**

[name]
Director, UT Learning Center
[address]

Dear Mr. [name]:

I am writing to apply for your opening for a Supplemental Instruction Program Coordinator (posting number 07-04-10-01-3132), which I found listed on UT's job search web page. After reading about the SI program and hearing good things about it from my colleagues, I am excited about the possibility of getting more closely involved with education at UT.

It sounds like you need someone who is good at teaching and inspiring SI Leaders to work with professors to organize sessions that help all their students to succeed in their course. I have worked with professors as a TA and departmental typist to help them with their classes. And I have worked as a tutor both at the UT Learning Center and Sylvan Learning Centers to help students succeed in their classes. As a head counselor at an overnight camp, I worked with a revolving staff of one to three assistants during sessions of about one to two weeks with groups of twelve to forty campers. During that time I developed a leadership style based on providing enough of a structure that people know what to do and enough flexibility that people can have lots of choice and space to make contributions.

You ask for someone who can research and share information on teaching effectiveness. I have secondary teaching certification in math and social studies and am the type of person to take vacation time to attend conferences in the field of education.

You want someone to provide one-on-one academic counseling to students. I have been a member of UT's Academic Counselors Association for over six years and have counseled some students as the back-up undergraduate coordinator for a department at UT and in answering questions related to UT's degree audit system in my current position.

You're also looking for an instructor for Learning Center classes and workshops. I have taught classes in first aid to a variety of students, taught swimming classes to overnight campers, and taught workshops on camping skills to Girl Scout Leaders. I have delivered training to UT staff in using the degree audit system: how to run audits, interpret them, do overrides, and code new requirements. This includes lots of experience in training people-persons (academic advisers) in very technical skills, which is challenging but very satisfying.

Earning degrees in the social sciences gave me experience in writing and in analyzing social science data.

I would enjoy the opportunity to become part of the UT Learning Center team. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or to schedule an interview.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
[me]

**

That's better. Much better.

Please let me know any comments you have, especially the kind that starts, "You come off as an idiot when you say..."

Comments

minor suggestions

[tamaraster.livejournal.com]

Here are a few minor suggestions.

* change "providing enough of a structure" to "providing enough structure" - it sounds better and also makes it more parallel with the second part of the sentence ("enough flexibility")

* in that same sentence, remove "lots of" - it's not necessary and I think it sounds too casual (I would change that part to simply "...that people have space to make contributions")

* I really do not like this: "am the type of person to take vacation time to attend conferences in the field of education." I recommend something more like "have attended many education conferences" and it might even be appropriate to list some, but I'm not sure. I'd especially leave out "am the type of person to" (that idea, not just the specific words) and, as a second priority, the idea that you take vacation time to do it.

* I have qualms about "people-persons" but no better suggestions.

* you have another "lots of" in that sentence and again it sounds too casual to me.

Those are minor suggestions, but overall I think if you could rewrite this with a different structure it might work better. Instead of working from desired qualifications, if you worked from your actual qualifications I think the letter would be better.

If you imagine that I'm applying for a job as "official pencil sharpener operator," your letter reads to me something like this:

You want someone who can operate machinery. I once owned a drill press, and I love to look at tools.

You want someone who is familiar with pencils. I used pencils in grade school and I've also used mechanical pencils.

You want someone who works fast. I have attended conferences about speed and I like to sprint with I run.

and how I think your letter should go is more like this:

I am a cheerful and efficient person who enjoys doing a simple job properly. I've had many jobs where my efficiency and neatness was praised, including my job sorting cards into number order and my other job folding pieces of paper.

I am an avid artist and, as such, have experience with taking care of the tools of the trade, including colored pencils, wax pencils, mechanical leads, and other art supplies. I understand how important a properly cared-for tool can be to the finished product.

(I'm not meaning to trivialize the new job, your qualifications, or your letter with these samples - it was just easier to make up stuff for a trivial job than for a real one.)

In the first letter, it sounds like I'm trying to make my experiences fit with what you want, and it kind of sounds like they really don't. In the second letter, I'm representing what and who I am in a positive light that shows how well-qualified I am for the job.

I thought your blog post where you told us why you wanted this job made you sound more qualified than this cover letter does, so obviously you already have the knowledge necessary to communicate it more effectively (or more effectively for me, at least).

Re: minor suggestions

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

Thanks. You are good. I like all your suggestions.

I'm interpreting your last one this way: Instead of listing the qualifications they ask for and discussing them, discuss the qualifications they should have asked for (or could have asked for) which match much better. Hard! I'll see what I can do.

Re: minor suggestions

[tamaraster.livejournal.com]

Hmm. What I really meant is, just discuss yourself in a way that makes it clear why you're great for the job. But maybe we mean the same thing.

My feedback

[agirlnamedlucky.livejournal.com]

You write awesome, engaging cover letters. And I've read enough of 'em to know that that's a rare quality.

Re: My feedback

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks! That's good to hear!

A little too scattershot

[(Anonymous)]

(sally)

My main impression is that by hewing closely to the standard "match your qualification and job experience point by point to the job description" approach, you come off sounding like you're not as qualified as I think you actually are. I think this is because your supporting evidence is all over the place, making your letter a little incoherent. I never get a good read on what you have to offer.

The usual advice is to be very specific and quantitative in spelling out your history and accomplishments, but I don't see the examples you bring there necessarily helping you as much as they could. Overall, you seem to be focusing on relating the job descriptions of previous jobs (which I assume are also on your resume) and not on your accomplishments or why those jobs have positioned you to succeed at this particular job. It’s like, OK, she did a typing job, and worked as a camp counselor, and maybe started to become a high school teacher, and is working at UT now in some capacity, and “earned degrees in the social sciences.”

My own perspective, as a person who has been the front-line resume sorter as well as interviewer and hiring manager, is that I would like to see a stronger, succinct summary of why I should put you in the keep category and not the trash category. Right now, I feel like I’m having to work too hard to figure out what your background and qualifications are. Help me out. If I’m hiring someone, that means I probably have too much work to handle right now and I need you to make the decision to interview you easy.

I agree with the previous comment that the style is also a bit too casual.

You also appear to waffle from the get-go since the very first thing you say, after telling me that you are applying for a job that interests you, is “It sounds like you need someone who…” That doesn’t make you sound very confident and could create the impression that you don’t really know what you’re applying for. A close reading of the remainder of the letter could counter that, but the resume-sorter might not get beyond this.

IMO, this part really missed the mark: “You ask for someone who can research and share information on teaching effectiveness. I have secondary teaching certification in math and social studies and am the type of person to take vacation time to attend conferences in the field of education.” I would read this and think that you don’t understand anything about program evaluation research if you think teacher certification and attending conferences in your leisure time are your best qualifications. I was expecting to read your qualifications in the areas of social science research (e.g. development, implementation, analysis, and dissemination of results and recommendations to a non-technical audience). Maybe I have misread what they’re looking for here, but the disconnect between my interpretation and your response is huge.

I know this has been a lengthy response, but I only have this much critique because I think you have a very good shot at the job and want to offer what I can to ensure that your letter doesn’t get dumped for a bad reason. Take from these comments what you will.

Re: A little too scattershot

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

More excellent points! Thanks.

The problem is that I don't know why someone should put me in their "keep" pile well enough to express it in any kind of succinct way. I'm not as bad as people who have been unemployed job hunters for months and have become depressed and feel that they don't deserve a good job. But since I have been told so many times over the years, "Oh, we hired someone who had that exact same job somewhere else," I have some of the same traits.

I will work on this.

Re: A little too scattershot

[(Anonymous)]

(sally)

Right, you are in a much tougher position than the person who can write "My experience doing this exact job at your primary competitor will ensure my success in this position."

But I think once you can figure out in your own mind what traits, experience, and accomplishments you can bring to the job, writing the cover letter will be easier for you. If you can't articulate this for them pretty neatly in a cover letter, you risk not having the opportunity to articulate this for them pretty neatly in an interview.