How to Threaten Effectively
Sep. 18th, 2006 10:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livingdebBusy, Busy Mommy writes about the worst punishments she can give her children in I'm So Mean. She's using on to train a child to stop throwing fits. I won't ruin the suspense, but they crack me up.
That entry reminds me of when I worked at summer camp and found that, contrary to common belief, threats can work. The key is that these threats need two elements: a) The threats have to be so tame that you are willing to carry them out, and so easy that you are able to carry them out. b) They also have to be so horrifying that your charges don't want you to.
Bad example: "I'll rip your arm off and beat you with the bloody stump." An old family treasure, but ineffective.
Ideally, you want to carry out the threat so badly that you can't hold back a gleam in your eye when you propose it. This puts you in a win-win situation: you either get to be nice or you get to do what you want.
I discovered this corollary when I was leading a group of kids who had signed up for the session where you get to cook out one meal every day. This involved making a menu, then an ingredients list, then bringing the cart over to the kitchen and picking up the ingredients and hauling them back to the campsite, in addition to the fun parts where you get to build the fire, chop things, etc.
My charges were whining again that they didn't want to have to carry everything and it was hot, etc. Finally, I gave them the opportunity to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every cookout for the rest of the week. It would have been so much easier and less time-consuming for me as well as a big relief from their whining. And there would be lots less to drag back to camp! It was actually quite a nice fantasy while it lasted. But, no, they did not allow me to carry out the threat. They were the best-behaved, most fabulous campers you ever saw for the entire rest of the session, and we all had a great time.
I don't believe I've ever tried anything like this with adults.
That entry reminds me of when I worked at summer camp and found that, contrary to common belief, threats can work. The key is that these threats need two elements: a) The threats have to be so tame that you are willing to carry them out, and so easy that you are able to carry them out. b) They also have to be so horrifying that your charges don't want you to.
Bad example: "I'll rip your arm off and beat you with the bloody stump." An old family treasure, but ineffective.
Ideally, you want to carry out the threat so badly that you can't hold back a gleam in your eye when you propose it. This puts you in a win-win situation: you either get to be nice or you get to do what you want.
I discovered this corollary when I was leading a group of kids who had signed up for the session where you get to cook out one meal every day. This involved making a menu, then an ingredients list, then bringing the cart over to the kitchen and picking up the ingredients and hauling them back to the campsite, in addition to the fun parts where you get to build the fire, chop things, etc.
My charges were whining again that they didn't want to have to carry everything and it was hot, etc. Finally, I gave them the opportunity to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every cookout for the rest of the week. It would have been so much easier and less time-consuming for me as well as a big relief from their whining. And there would be lots less to drag back to camp! It was actually quite a nice fantasy while it lasted. But, no, they did not allow me to carry out the threat. They were the best-behaved, most fabulous campers you ever saw for the entire rest of the session, and we all had a great time.
I don't believe I've ever tried anything like this with adults.