Gift Giving
Oct. 6th, 2005 06:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livingdebI have a love/hate relationship with giving presents.
I love giving people presents, but that's only so long as my fantasy that they actually like the present holds out. So I like giving presents right up until I actually give them, after which time I become convinced that they don't like their presents and I hate giving presents.
Supposedly it's the thought that counts. I'd love to give thought presents. Beautiful calligraphy stating that I would give W free tuition. I would give D a get-out-of-jail-free card (that actually works). I would give D and L early retirement. Hey, and my Mom, too. Actually I can think of lots of people who'd like that.
Okay, but if you are a good enough friend, your thought that counts is supposed to lead to a present they actually like. You've heard of people getting things they like but would never get for themselves. Even better, it is rumored that some people get things they never even realized they wanted. How do people do that?
I once gave someone toothpaste for his birthday, because I knew he was almost out, and I also got him cookies, because I knew he liked cookies. My friends said that wasn't romantic enough. Hey, cookies are romantic! Or maybe not so much if they are store-bought (well, I lived in a dorm), and if you label them "Purina Human Chow" in an appropriately decorated bag. That was twenty years ago--I'm not normally even that creative anymore.
Anyway, I didn't know him well enough yet to know anything special he'd want. (Except that cookies are special!) He got me some very romantic presents which I completely didn't like. But he learned--on my next birthday he got me a dictionary, which I still use today. A fabulous, excellent choice.
So my current boyfriend and I discuss what to get each other ahead of time and things work out much better that way. We give each other ideas both on what we'd like to get and what the other person might like to get.
But what about regular people? You can't go around asking them what they'd want, can you? Or saying, which do you like better (for you, not me) out of these three options? Can you? It's supposed to be a big surprise.
One classic method is to pay attention to when they say they like things and want things. But most people I know just get things once they know they want them.
Another idea is coupons for things like back rubs and coming over for home-cooked dinner. But no one ever wants to cash in their coupons, so then it turns into nothing. Or it could get spiteful. I'd rather not have all these debts hanging over my head anyway.
For a while I gave people tasty baked goods, thinking that if they didn't want them, they could bring them to work to make friends, or even just throw them in the trash and not have to deal with the gift the rest of their lives. But now most of my friends are on diets. And also they are picky. I mean discerning.
Another strategy is to include the receipt as a special way to say, "I will not be offended if you would rather have the money. Please, go buy something good if this isn't good."
One problem is people you give presents to for years, and you never know if they like the presents. They have to tell you they like them. And the more they gush, the creepier I feel. Do they really like it? Or am I just turning them into really big liars? "Happy Birthday! And my first birthday wish for you is that you lie to me convincingly."
Can you tell I'm helping someone celebrate her birthday tonight?
I have a similar love/hate relationship with getting presents. So much so that I'd really rather not get presents. I'd rather not put people through the trouble, if they are having anything like the trouble I'm having.
Please feel free to share your gift-giving strategies and philosophies here.
I love giving people presents, but that's only so long as my fantasy that they actually like the present holds out. So I like giving presents right up until I actually give them, after which time I become convinced that they don't like their presents and I hate giving presents.
Supposedly it's the thought that counts. I'd love to give thought presents. Beautiful calligraphy stating that I would give W free tuition. I would give D a get-out-of-jail-free card (that actually works). I would give D and L early retirement. Hey, and my Mom, too. Actually I can think of lots of people who'd like that.
Okay, but if you are a good enough friend, your thought that counts is supposed to lead to a present they actually like. You've heard of people getting things they like but would never get for themselves. Even better, it is rumored that some people get things they never even realized they wanted. How do people do that?
I once gave someone toothpaste for his birthday, because I knew he was almost out, and I also got him cookies, because I knew he liked cookies. My friends said that wasn't romantic enough. Hey, cookies are romantic! Or maybe not so much if they are store-bought (well, I lived in a dorm), and if you label them "Purina Human Chow" in an appropriately decorated bag. That was twenty years ago--I'm not normally even that creative anymore.
Anyway, I didn't know him well enough yet to know anything special he'd want. (Except that cookies are special!) He got me some very romantic presents which I completely didn't like. But he learned--on my next birthday he got me a dictionary, which I still use today. A fabulous, excellent choice.
So my current boyfriend and I discuss what to get each other ahead of time and things work out much better that way. We give each other ideas both on what we'd like to get and what the other person might like to get.
But what about regular people? You can't go around asking them what they'd want, can you? Or saying, which do you like better (for you, not me) out of these three options? Can you? It's supposed to be a big surprise.
One classic method is to pay attention to when they say they like things and want things. But most people I know just get things once they know they want them.
Another idea is coupons for things like back rubs and coming over for home-cooked dinner. But no one ever wants to cash in their coupons, so then it turns into nothing. Or it could get spiteful. I'd rather not have all these debts hanging over my head anyway.
For a while I gave people tasty baked goods, thinking that if they didn't want them, they could bring them to work to make friends, or even just throw them in the trash and not have to deal with the gift the rest of their lives. But now most of my friends are on diets. And also they are picky. I mean discerning.
Another strategy is to include the receipt as a special way to say, "I will not be offended if you would rather have the money. Please, go buy something good if this isn't good."
One problem is people you give presents to for years, and you never know if they like the presents. They have to tell you they like them. And the more they gush, the creepier I feel. Do they really like it? Or am I just turning them into really big liars? "Happy Birthday! And my first birthday wish for you is that you lie to me convincingly."
Can you tell I'm helping someone celebrate her birthday tonight?
I have a similar love/hate relationship with getting presents. So much so that I'd really rather not get presents. I'd rather not put people through the trouble, if they are having anything like the trouble I'm having.
Please feel free to share your gift-giving strategies and philosophies here.