Mortgage Payoff Quote

Check out this amazing sentence from a mortgage payoff statement, which is used to tell a homeowner exactly how much will be required to pay off a mortgage at a certain time:

"Except where prohibited, [mortgage company] reserves the right to adjust the above figures ..."

So, even though you've asked the actual experts an exact figure so you don't get in trouble, they are allowed to give you a random crappy figure to get you in trouble anyway.

"and refuse any funds which are insufficient to pay the Total Amount Secured by the Mortgage ..."

So, even though you give them a huge pile of money, they can refuse all of it and then charge you more interest and even late fees.

"for any reason including but not limited to error in calculation of the Total Amount Secured by the Mortgage, previously dishonored check or money order, stop payment of checks or ACH payments or additional disbursements made by [mortgage company] between the date of this payoff statement and the receipt of funds."

So not only can they make up any figure they want, if you've ever bounced a check, they reject this one without even checking if it's going to bounce. Or they can suddenly decide to give you money. Or they they can make up any other reason they like (such as my dog was hungry when I got your payment).

Here's another good one: "Payoff funds should be remitted via wire transfer .... If you are not remitting funds via wire transfer, payoff funds must be in the form of a CASHIER'S CHECK or OFFICIAL BANK CHECK ..."

I looked it up, and an "official bank check" is not the same thing as a normal check. So they want you to use some expensive method.

And here's another good one: "You understand and agree that if [mortgage company] received and processed a payoff and subsequently is requested to return such payoff funds due to loan rescission or for any other reason, unless prohibited by law, [mortgage company] will charge a reload fee of $1,000.00."

That's quite a bounced check fee, eh?

I'm not yet ready to pay off my mortgage, but when I am, I am not going to ask for another one of these ridiculous things. I am going to send the amount I will owe minus one payment as an early principal payment by check. Then when everything has gone through, I will ask customer service what's next.

Review: How Do You Roll?

Today, I'm going to surprise you and recommend a sushi place, How Do You Roll?. They make your sushi rolls to your specifications while you watch.



Then they cut them into ten slices and add the toppings. Isn't that pretty?



You can get three sushi rolls for about $20. Such a bargain. And you can serve yourself soy sauce, pickled ginger, wasabe, and more from the condiment bar.

But why am I recommending this place when I don't like sushi? Because they also have fake sushi. I tried the fake soy wrap instead of the traditional seaweed wrap--it has no flavor and is easier to deal with if you like to take bites out of your sushi rather than stick the whole slice in your mouth. For my "vegetables" I got spinach, Mandarin oranges, and cream cheese, and for my meat I got grilled chicken. Then, a little teriaki sauce on top. Yum, yum, yum. Even Robin liked it. The only room for improvement I could see is to use brown rice rather than white.

Bonus review - "Machete" - your basic slasher action movie with a side of politics. Also, fun uses of stereotypes that a non-Hispanic writer/director might not be able to get away with (like this parade of lowrider/bouncy cars). And it might have my favorite fight scene ever (let's just say the hero puts down his drink, but not his taco).