Not a Clunker

It's a station wagon, a style which has long been replaced by minivans and whatnot. It's 18 years old. It has over 165,000 miles on it. The AC is broken, and it is located in daily 100-degree weather. But whoever named the Cash for Clunkers program thinks this is not a clunker. Why?

Officially it gets 29 miles to the gallon. (Implying that it runs. Which it does.) "Your trade-in must have a Combined MPG rating of 18 MPG or less to qualify."

Interestingly, qualifying cars must also be in good working order and less than 25 years old. To me, that sounds like the opposite of a clunker.

This program isn't for clunkers at all, it's for gas guzzlers. I guess they wanted alliteration more than clarity. But can't you have both? How about Greenbacks for Guzzlers? Funds for Fuel Hogs? Subsidies for Smoke Spewers?

But actually, the point of the money is to fund more efficient cars, not gas guzzlers. How about Cash for Cleaner Cars? Greenbacks for Greener Cars? Big Bucks for Better Balms. Sneaky Subsidies for Sinking Sedan Makers--oops, except at the last second they let you buy foreign cars, too.