Taking Away Plates

I have an apparently odd dislike of people taking my plate away at restaurants. I only know it's odd because waiters clearly think that if they were perfect, they would notice the exact moment I finish eating so they can be there to whisk it away. They refer to this strategy as getting the plate out of my way. Because, uh, I would now like to stick my elbows on the table and I can't because there's a plate in the way? Because the vision of a used plate reminds me of dirty dishes, and I am so sensitive that even though I don't have to do them myself, just the thought of having dirty dishes in the same room with me is something I shouldn't have to deal with?

This morning, a plate disappeared while I was still chewing my last bite. I guess that waiter is high-fiving people back in the kitchen.

From my perspective, the best these poor waiters can do is to ask me first. A real question, asked as if they don't already know the answer. Usually, it's "May I take this out of your way?" Then I get to say, "No, thanks, I'm still working on it" or "Actually, may I have a take-home box please?" This is annoying to me and a time-waster for the waiter, but it's the best compromise I've seen.

At buffets, I think they try to compromise by taking the plate away while you are gone for another trip at the buffet. But this means that if you got a little too much rice, you don't get to save it for your next serving unless you have a dining companion who will stay behind and ask the waiter to leave the plate alone for you. It looks like waiters would really rather have the whole dining party get up at once though so that the disappearing plate act seems more magical.

Anyway, I know this about my culture and it's just a thing I have to deal with somehow.

One problem is that some people are finished with their plates when they still have food on them. This makes the waiter's job very difficult. How does he know if I'm really finished? I've learned I should never set my fork down if I'm still eating or even if I'm still deciding whether I would like to have some more. (No, this is not so that I can stab the hand that makes a grab for my plate. It's just a signal to help the waiter read my mind properly.)

Yesterday I achieved my greatest victory over the evil plate snatchers.

Phase I: A croissant is served with too much strawberry butter. I eat the croissant while it is still hot. When the waitress comes, I put my hand over plate saying please don't take this.

Phase II: Eggs, bacon and lemon-poppy-seed Belgian waffle is served with syrup and melted unsalted butter. One of the best foods in the world is hot breads with melted butter, but the butter has to be salted or it's just totally wasted calories. I don't know why I'm like this, but I am. Strawberry butter comes to the rescue!

(Yes, I could ask for salty butter, but I don't like waste and I don't like asking for stuff.)

I spread half the remaining butter on half of my waffle, eat that half of the waffle plus half the eggs and a fourth of the bacon. Robin finishes his meal and moves his plate over to the side. I take the strawberry butter plate off the table and hide it on the far side of the table, behind the table cloth where the waitress can't see it.

Phase III: The waitress comes to take the plates away. I ask for a take-home box. She says she will box it up herself. I ask Robin if he would like his potatoes included. No. I have no chance to get this butter on the plate. The waitress then takes every single plate and every piece of silverware.

Phase IV: The waitress returns with box and check. I open the box and look longingly at the remaining strawberry butter. Then I realize I can wipe the rest of the butter off the plate with my waffle. Victory is mine! All mine!