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Don't Do Vodka Shots with Russian Mafiosos
Jul. 6th, 2007 08:37 pmI just read one of those things you would tell your high school self entries at Lazy Man and Money (which I found via My Two Dollars' related post) as well as a bunch of other people's who commented. That was fun. Some of the advice was just "buy this investment at this time and sell it at that time," but some of it was more interesting, and some of it obviously had some long and scary stories behind it. Here are some of my favorite ones:
* No, you are not going to be a rock star, so stop spending so much money on music stuff. You do not need a $1,000 guitar, an $800 amp nor all those foot pedals ... it is not going to happen. Oh, and cut your hair you look ridiculous.
* The Internet company that gave you a raise to 90K at age 24 will end up laying off the entire department within a year … so you probably shouldn't buy that new sports car convertible, even if it is under 30K. Plus it won't impress that girl nearly as much as you thought it might.
* Save your money. The records you buy now will end up in the closet under the stairs later. Put money in a savings account.
* When you burn a hole in the carpet, don't blame your cousin; learn to take responsibility and own up to your mistakes.
* Start talking louder, now. This way you won't be annoyed to no end by people thinking you're "shy." They are just confused, and they can't hear you!
* Like yourself. Everything you dream of will come true in your 20s. Life will get a whole bunch more interesting. So stop lying around listening to Nirvana and feeling tragic. Get out of the house. Take up more hobbies.
* One day the opportunity will arise to buy a cheap bike with dodgy brakes and crooked handlebars. Don't buy it.
* Demand that your mother introduces you to your biological father. All the leads will be dead ends if you wait too long.
* That job you'll take in a restaurant while still in high school? No, they CANNOT pay you less than minimum wage unless you are actually getting tips. Report them, or demand the tips. Or better yet, get a job somewhere else quicker, because there's a reason you'll feel very uncomfortable standing in the walk-in freezer at a certain point. If your head and your gut are telling you different things, always go with your gut.
* Don't do vodka shots with Russian mafiosos while out for a fancy dinner with your at-the-time-girlfriend and her friends. That will not end well on many, many levels. Oh, and make sure your visa paperwork is correct before you travel to remote Siberian cities. They don't like it when foreigners show up with the wrong paperwork.
And here is the point where I tell you my own list. I did try to brainstorm such a list for myself. The good news is that I like most of what I've done since I was in high school and really don't feel I could give myself advice that would have helped me do a better job. The bad news is that this is partly because whatever I didn't understand then and didn't figure out as quickly as I wanted to, I still haven't figured out. In fact, some of the good-sounding advice I have, I still don't want to follow. Oh, well.
Here is some advice that I feel pretty confident about and that I would actually listen to.
1. When people say to think about whether you want to work with people, things, or data, those all sound fine to you. But what they really mean is to think about whether you want to work with problem people, problem things, or problem data. Your answer is data. Any quiz you see will make that sound really boring (at a restaurant, would you rather take inventory, help customers, or prepare salads?) but trust me on this. You like explaining complicated things to laypersons. You like taking seemingly disparate data and thinking of a way it could all be true. Teaching is a people job, and no one is going to buy you as a disciplinarian anyway. Start thinking about that now.
2. Your plan to only do fun jobs is excellent, but don't forget that if you earn a big pile of money, you can retire early. Remember this especially around 1998-1999 when MK offers to teach you some COBOL for that purpose.
3. Don't take shortcuts when buying new stuff if it's something important--do the research, no matter how much of a pain it is. That includes proper inspections.
4. Friends come and go, but family stays forever, or at least as long as they live. Try to make better friends with those people.
5. Wear sunscreen every day. (I'm only your 44-year-old future self; I don't know if you'll get skin cancer. But, duh, just look at yourself!) See if there are some spray-on sunscreens or at least fragrance-free ones that aren't so annoying. At least put some on your face, neck and the backs of your hands.
6. Your plan to never be bored again is totally going to work. It's going to work so well that you are going to have start prioritizing at some point. Use some of your spare time now for learning something time-consuming like Spanish or ASL or programming or playing an instrument or sewing or how to write better. Embroidery is a fine hobby, but try to find a few more things to become expert at. It really is amazing what you can learn from a book (MB learned fly fishing of all things)--check out the nonfiction part of the library.
7. Ask Mom to let you watch her cook more, even if she doesn't want any help. That list of recipes you got for that home ec class in eighth grade is an excellent start, but every time you taste something new you like, get the recipe if you can and add it to your collection. In fact, any time you notice that someone knows how to do something you wish you could do, ask them to teach you. A shocking number of people actually will.
* No, you are not going to be a rock star, so stop spending so much money on music stuff. You do not need a $1,000 guitar, an $800 amp nor all those foot pedals ... it is not going to happen. Oh, and cut your hair you look ridiculous.
* The Internet company that gave you a raise to 90K at age 24 will end up laying off the entire department within a year … so you probably shouldn't buy that new sports car convertible, even if it is under 30K. Plus it won't impress that girl nearly as much as you thought it might.
* Save your money. The records you buy now will end up in the closet under the stairs later. Put money in a savings account.
* When you burn a hole in the carpet, don't blame your cousin; learn to take responsibility and own up to your mistakes.
* Start talking louder, now. This way you won't be annoyed to no end by people thinking you're "shy." They are just confused, and they can't hear you!
* Like yourself. Everything you dream of will come true in your 20s. Life will get a whole bunch more interesting. So stop lying around listening to Nirvana and feeling tragic. Get out of the house. Take up more hobbies.
* One day the opportunity will arise to buy a cheap bike with dodgy brakes and crooked handlebars. Don't buy it.
* Demand that your mother introduces you to your biological father. All the leads will be dead ends if you wait too long.
* That job you'll take in a restaurant while still in high school? No, they CANNOT pay you less than minimum wage unless you are actually getting tips. Report them, or demand the tips. Or better yet, get a job somewhere else quicker, because there's a reason you'll feel very uncomfortable standing in the walk-in freezer at a certain point. If your head and your gut are telling you different things, always go with your gut.
* Don't do vodka shots with Russian mafiosos while out for a fancy dinner with your at-the-time-girlfriend and her friends. That will not end well on many, many levels. Oh, and make sure your visa paperwork is correct before you travel to remote Siberian cities. They don't like it when foreigners show up with the wrong paperwork.
And here is the point where I tell you my own list. I did try to brainstorm such a list for myself. The good news is that I like most of what I've done since I was in high school and really don't feel I could give myself advice that would have helped me do a better job. The bad news is that this is partly because whatever I didn't understand then and didn't figure out as quickly as I wanted to, I still haven't figured out. In fact, some of the good-sounding advice I have, I still don't want to follow. Oh, well.
Here is some advice that I feel pretty confident about and that I would actually listen to.
1. When people say to think about whether you want to work with people, things, or data, those all sound fine to you. But what they really mean is to think about whether you want to work with problem people, problem things, or problem data. Your answer is data. Any quiz you see will make that sound really boring (at a restaurant, would you rather take inventory, help customers, or prepare salads?) but trust me on this. You like explaining complicated things to laypersons. You like taking seemingly disparate data and thinking of a way it could all be true. Teaching is a people job, and no one is going to buy you as a disciplinarian anyway. Start thinking about that now.
2. Your plan to only do fun jobs is excellent, but don't forget that if you earn a big pile of money, you can retire early. Remember this especially around 1998-1999 when MK offers to teach you some COBOL for that purpose.
3. Don't take shortcuts when buying new stuff if it's something important--do the research, no matter how much of a pain it is. That includes proper inspections.
4. Friends come and go, but family stays forever, or at least as long as they live. Try to make better friends with those people.
5. Wear sunscreen every day. (I'm only your 44-year-old future self; I don't know if you'll get skin cancer. But, duh, just look at yourself!) See if there are some spray-on sunscreens or at least fragrance-free ones that aren't so annoying. At least put some on your face, neck and the backs of your hands.
6. Your plan to never be bored again is totally going to work. It's going to work so well that you are going to have start prioritizing at some point. Use some of your spare time now for learning something time-consuming like Spanish or ASL or programming or playing an instrument or sewing or how to write better. Embroidery is a fine hobby, but try to find a few more things to become expert at. It really is amazing what you can learn from a book (MB learned fly fishing of all things)--check out the nonfiction part of the library.
7. Ask Mom to let you watch her cook more, even if she doesn't want any help. That list of recipes you got for that home ec class in eighth grade is an excellent start, but every time you taste something new you like, get the recipe if you can and add it to your collection. In fact, any time you notice that someone knows how to do something you wish you could do, ask them to teach you. A shocking number of people actually will.