Job Application #1

I just applied for a job, which I can't link to, so I'll just paste all the information, poorly formatted, behind an LJ-cut. ( Read more... )

I don't actually think I'll even get an interview, but what if I'm wrong? So I'm applying just in case, and for practice.

The title is "Electronic Media Coordinator," and it's to help develop online courses for UT campuses across the state. This is not the same job I already knew about from my campus and requires totally different skills which I also don't have (Dreamweaver, PhotoShop, Illustrator, and Flash). However, they don't actually require those skills to apply for the job; they just say I will be using them extensively.

I think Dreamweaver will be easy since I'm fluent with html. I've had some exposure to PhotoShop and Illustrator and have really good reference materials and an expert roommate on Photoshop. Flash I've seen on screen once and it looks tedious, but hey, my whole current job is tedious. Also, I have a friend who is a rabid fan of flash who could probably help me.

They also want a year of experience which I don't have. And so this is where my extra education comes in handy, because an "Equivalent combination of relevant education and experience may be substituted as appropriate."

So, I'm applying because it sounds almost just exactly perfect. The only problem, aside from having no qualifications, is the cover letter. For a person who enjoys writing nonfiction and who has been writing about myself daily, you would think this would be no problem. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Here is what not to put in a cover letter:

"I don't actually have any experience doing any of these things, but I do have a lot of experience doing other things that are very closely related. Really! I swear!" Whimper, whimper.

"If I already had a year of experience doing this exact same job, I would not be job hunting. I would be keeping that job."

"You know you want me. Oh, baby."

"One of the essential functions of this job is to 'Communicate with faculty and coworkers verbally and in writing.' I would just like to point out that 'in writing' is technically a subset of 'verbally.' Next time you might want to say 'orally and in writing.'"

In fact, I think writing resumes and cover letters is the most embarrassing thing I ever do. You know the way some people (like me) get nervous giving speeches? I feel the exact same way applying for jobs and going on interviews. Especially for jobs that I am not qualified for on paper. I never even want to show my application materials to other people for editing because they are too embarrassing. You know how after you send an e-mail and someone takes it all wrong because you weren't able to notice their face while you were spewing, and then you get a sick feeling in your stomach for ruining their day? I always strongly suspect that I am miscommunicating in exactly the same way when I send in an application. But eventually I do have to send something or I will never get a chance to get the job.

Nevertheless, today I will put those items behind another LJ cut. Because I am an adult now and can (occasionally) be brave. ( You do not have to look. )

If you want to make suggestions, feel free to do so. This thing is online; I can keep on changing it! Note: No formatting is allowed in the application; it has to be just plain text.

I feel like I did after the recital, like I have too much adrenaline with nothing to do with it. But I've now officially applied. It is now technically possible that I could get this job.

Snarky

I must be feeling snarky today because, besides having real trouble with that job application, I'm also having trouble helping with the brainstorming that is going on in my office about how to improve our service to the students. Here are my ideas:

"Hire a Registrar already. Our last Registrar gave you over six months notice, and he's been gone for months now. Just get on the ball, people."

"My area already has systems in place for assessing the level of our service to students. And based on these continual assessments, we already gave you a big list of things that need to be done. We are adding to the list on a regular basis. Why don't you actually aim some of our resources at these items instead of, say, remodeling or removing SSNs from the inner depths of the system or letting our SIS people work in entirely different departments or taking systems that we have right now and putting them online in exactly the same way with no improvements and then switching people to new projects before all the bugs are worked out?"

"Quit having meetings about improving things and developing philosophies about improving things and designing surveys about improving things and start improving things."

I've mostly been successful in keeping my mouth shut when I have nothing productive to add. But I'm feeling a bit disgruntled.

Although under the topic "focus on an enhanced campus-wide culture of wellness," I did mention that we should remove dangers (we had a large decorative board that fell off the wall and could have landed on someone). And give shoulder massages to people waiting in line.