NaNoEmotions

Today I decided my novel should be whatever genre Anne Tyler's novels, like The Accidental Tourist are. I decided I needed bigger issues.

And then I decided that I finally understand that situation where you realize you have to give up some part of your novel that you love, because it just doesn't fit. I think I might have to give up my dog character, and my beloved scene where he hears an old command he's heard before (“Get the money”) and he fetches the box full of savings bonds, thus saving the day!

Because that scene feels too cheesy now, and the “big problem” turns out to be a mere matter of logistics, already solved in a single writing day, rather than a matter involving character development.

Part of me thinks my characters don't have the kinds of flaws that lead to books with big issues. And part of me knows exactly what their big issue is. The two main characters are going to become best friends, and they are going to have to deal with issues that threaten their friendship: one will get into a serious romantic relationship with a third party, and the other has an itch to move every year or two.

This should be very exciting. In week two, your characters are supposed to start taking charge of the plot.

I even thought of some scenes. a) One makes the other a cake on approximately the one year anniversary of their meeting. I got stuck in the middle of that scene—too cheesy again. b) One will take an informal class to meet people, but it won't work—she likes the other character's friends much better. c) She hangs with co-workers, and while their constant gossiping is good for job leads, it's no good for good friends.

Then I fell asleep for an hour and a half until Wells Fargo woke me up for a “very important message” which I declined to listen to.

After I woke up I still couldn't write. I thought that my characters probably can't keep from letting their friendship slip away. And I don't want to be there when that happens. It's too depressing.

Part of me thinks that when you are getting emotionally involved with your characters, that's a very good sign. Another part thinks that in order for my characters to resolve this issue to my satisfaction, I am going to have to work on some of my own psychological issues. As if writing 1667 words a day isn't already hard enough. It's too hard and I want to quit!

And now it's time to start getting ready for the gym. I've written only 96 (novel) words all afternoon, all of which should be deleted.

I'll try again tonight.

And for those of you who think I should quit whining and just quit already, let me explain: Sometimes people quit too soon and never accomplish nearly as much as they could. And sometimes people take far too long to quit when everyone around them can see they have no talent or whatever. How do you know which one you are?

I once tried to find a new job, but then gave up. Then I read somewhere that it generally takes ten to fifteen interviews before people get an acceptable job offer. I looked back over my records, and would you like to guess how many interviews I had gotten? Nine. So I changed my mind on giving up and got job offers on two of my next three interviews, and one of those job offers was acceptable.

Because of that, whenever I'm in a situation where I try and try something and it's just not working, and finally I want to give up, I remind myself that I'm probably one of those types who tends to give up just a little bit too soon.

Nano Update, day 11

I talked to two friends about my novel and about friendship. I still think I need to change the direction of my story and add some character development. Robin thinks I can keep the dog. I still have some brainstorming to do on what kind of character development needs to happen. I got enough ideas to write a bit more today, though not enough to bring me up to 1667 words.

Today I wrote 1276 words in just over two hours (not counting all the non-writing hours). Some of today's writing feels embarrassing to read; some I enjoy reading. I may not need a decade of therapy to continue working on this thing after all. Here's an excerpt:

"What are some of your favorite Christmas traditions?"

"I think my favorite was one place that had two Christmas trees: one in the living room and one in the kid's playroom. The living room one was elegant, gorgeous, and just a delight to look at. White twinkling lights with white, champaign, gold, and red ornaments looked fantastic against the dark green of the pine needles. Looking at that tree, while sipping something warm and listening to nice music was close to nirvana.

"The one in the kid's room was decorated exclusively by kids. They were allowed to do anything they could agree on within the bounds of reasonable safety. They had every color of everything. They had homemade ornaments of tin foil-and-cardboard, colored salt dough, and glue-and-construction-paper. I saw origami, macrame, paper snowflakes. They strung popcorn. They also strung anything else they could pull a thread through: fruit loops, jewelry, CDs, you name it.

"You could tell that some particularly intricate negotiations were needed for the tree topper. A teddy bear was sitting on top, hugging an angel and wearing a star on its head.

"The best part was the stories. You could point to something and one of the kids would explain the whole history of that object and why it was on the tree.

"I remember Darth Maul was on the tree, hanging upside down, by one foot, because he was a bad boy. But they let him be on the tree because maybe if he saw Santa Claus he would be good.

"That was the best Christmas tree I've ever seen."