Another Draft

[livingdeb]

Here's a complete re-write of that cover letter. Is it better or worse?

**

Dear Mr. [name]:

I am writing to apply for your opening for a Supplemental Instruction Program Coordinator (posting number XXX), which I found listed on UT's job search web page. After reading about the SI program and hearing good things about it from my colleagues, I am excited about the possibility of getting more closely involved with education at UT.

I have experience in a variety of educational settings and thus am familiar with multiple aspects of learning. For example I have developed lessons as a student teacher; led discussion sections as a TA; helped students learn more efficiently as a tutor; collaborated with faculty to prepare materials for clarity, brevity, and various formatting requirements; and developed online training materials for staff who use the degree audit system.

I always try to create a safe, fun environment for learning things that are both true and important. For example, my dean’s office contacts know they can call me with any kind of question, no matter how many times they’ve already called me that day. And I once had a group of campers who volunteered to clean latrines every day because they decided it was the best available job after doing it with me.

I have a long history at UT Austin, having been a student, a dorm resident, and an employee. I know that smart students don’t always learn many study skills before they get to college, but often find they need them here.

I have attached my resume and reference list as a Word document. I would enjoy the opportunity to become part of the UT Learning Center team. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or to schedule an interview. I am most easily contacted at [phone number] or [e-mail address].

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
me

**

These always seem lame and embarrassing to me.

I'm still working on the middle paragraph because the examples don't quite match the sentence. I have the safe and the fun part down, but not the true or important part. I'll have to change one or the other.

Comments

A few comments

[(Anonymous)]

(sally)

I think this overall approach flows much better than the previous one.

In para 2, I bonked on "prepare materials for clarity, brevity, and various formatting requirements." This seemed both vague and overly specific at the same time. (I assume "formatting requirements" means APA style or whatever format the journal required? That doesn't seem particularly relevant to me.) But this paragraph did get across the point that you do have experience in the education side of things.

Para 3 didn't work for me. In general, I think making a potential employer think of shit when they read your resume is a bad idea and putting yourself in close proximity to it cannot really work in your favor ;) "True and important" sounded pompous to me.

Para 4 reads like filler.

Suggestion: Replace para 3 and 4 with two brief paragraphs referring to your skills/experience in (1) coordination/administration and (2) communication/outreach/leadership. These seem like critical areas for a job as coordinator and recruiter. Is there also a place to refer to your research experience?

The use of contractions and starting sentences with "And" etc. give the letter an overall too-casual tone, IMO.

[chikuru.livejournal.com]

If they don't require a Word document and you can find a way to generate a PDF document, I recommend doing that--it looks more professional. The problem with Word documents is that even if they are read-only, Word still opens them as if you were going to edit them, and the result doesn't look like a finished product (especially if it adds squiggly red or green lines).

much better!

[tamaraster.livejournal.com]

I think this approach is way better than the first one! I also admire your bravery in posting these and getting feedback. I think it will lead to a better letter, but it would terrify me :-)

creating a PDF document

[fraeuleinchen.livejournal.com]

Interesting suggestion. I wouldn't have thought of that. Does this require creating an actual piece of paper, then scanning in that paper?

Re: creating a PDF document

[chikuru.livejournal.com]

No, you just need a copy of Adobe Acrobat Standard (or better) to generate the PDF file from a Word document. Or I believe you could use OpenOffice if you didn't want to pay for a copy of Acrobat Standard.