Very interesting questions and considerations. I grew up on Long Island and witnessed (mostly from afar) many expensive and extravagant weddings at our church (Roman Catholic); I can only imagine what the receptions were like. The idea of having to entertain all those people after a wedding just sickens me. I guess it's the idea of how much money it's all meant to cost. The couple (or their parents, though not in my caes - they couldn't pay for that, nor would I expect them to) is expected to provide entertainment and food, and the guests are kind of expected to give gifts that compensate for the output on their behalf. That's how it seems to me anyway. The result is a party which commemmorates the event, the joining of these two hands in marriage, the commencement of a life together. But I fear it's all gone wrong. Now, I'm not married, and am not about to be married, and have not even been in a steady relationship for seven years, but I'm pretty sure that if I were to decide to marry, I would not feel any compulsion to impress upon people my 'social status.' I just don't believe in that crap. I have relatives who'd want to do that, and who'd want me to want to do that sort of thing, but that is so far from my wishes. I'd want to celebrate with the people close to me. As for what kind of event that'd translate into, well, I have thought about the fact that the wedding - even a relatively small one - would likely bring people (friends and family of mine and of my future spouse) from faraway places, and I'd like the opportunity to spend more time with them as well as for them to interact with and get to know each other. So I think that a mini-vacation (weekend or long weekend) during which all the guests (or whoever could handle the cost and vacation time required to do so) would descend on a common location and just get together all weekend long. Preferably the site would be one with lots of outdoor space, for impromptu picknicking, and with grocery stores nearby so people could just hang out instead of having to dine in restaurants all the time, which is expensive and limiting. Two cousins of mine were married (both to other people - not how it sounds!!), one in July 2003, the other in August 2004, in small towns, and the guests just loved it. One was in Leesburg, Virginia, and the other in Lake Saranac, NY (upstate). The places were small enough that guests from disparate locales were able to really enjoy the non-planned time together, i.e. the night before the wedding, and the morning of and after.

I've also thought of the idea of a contra dance and potluck wedding. This would only be appropriate if my spouse were a contra dancer. And this could be one of several wedding celebrations, for the dance-specific crowd, though the non-dancers would certainly have a good introduction to contra dancing if they were to attend.

Oh, but first I need to concentrate on other things. Like actually having a relationship :) Then I'll decide if I ever want to marry.